Valentine's Day
(I started this post on 02.13.2014)
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. The day when people who are in love, have a true love, or have someone who thinks about them, receive sweet little gifts as a token of that affection. This time last year I was packing. Not for me. For him. He moved out, completely, the day after Valentine's last year. It's been a whole year of being just me and my girls. A whole year where I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more for a love of my own.
Here's the thing about love. It lies. Let me explain. Love in the way that we understand it, lies. Most of us view love as a feeling. We "feel" in love. And we have all bought into the idea that if we aren't "feeling" it then it doesn't exist. In fact, Valentine's Day is a materialistic manifestation of that kind love. It is a day that advertisers have concocted to make us think that just maybe there is a day when we will finally be thought of. Because thoughts create feelings. Yes, dear, they do. You know it, as well as I. Honestly, though, why should we all bank on a single day to be shown this? If that person doesn't "love" enough the other days of the year, the idea that it takes a Hallmark holiday to get them to profess their undying love, well, should be a clue that perhaps just maybe what they are after is MUCH LESS than your heart.
Truth of it is, IF you were really loved then the day wouldn't be needed. Nope. You would be shown in so many ways. You would be thought of. You would be the person another longs to see and spend time with. You would not be second, third or even fourth place to that individual, save for if God came first. And, if you are honest with yourself you know what that looks like. You know what that "feels" like. You know when you really matter to another person. Because...
Love isn't chasing after another. If you are constantly seeking, giving, yearning, begging for time or attention from another person, then chances are EXTREMELY high that they really aren't that into you. This is especially true when after the beginning is over and they have what they wanted in the first place - validation, attention, to see if they still 'had' it, whatnot - then they will slowly back off and let you die miserably in your loneliness questioning what just happened. It wasn't you they were after, well, it wasn't your heart actually. Ladies, don't confuse what is real and what is a feeling. Real men don't play games. However...
Love isn't having to be chased. Do not be the one to play games. You are not made by Milton Bradley or Hasboro. You are a person. Do not toy with another person's heart. I will agree that sometimes you can get caught up in a "feeling". Attention can be deceiving. I urge you weigh it against the truths of God's word. If you are doing everything in your power to make sure they are chasing you, then well, I think you are looking at love all wrong. A real man isn't going to show his affection in the way that contemporary society says they need to. (You know what I mean here.)
So, if we aren't chasing and we aren't being chased, then we aren't really needing this Hallmark holiday to validate our 'love'. What do we do? What does love do? I wish I knew. I wish I had the answers. Instead I have nothing more than what it isn't. I know what not to do. I'd like to tell you that I will succeed when presented the chance and that I will not make a mistake in the interim. What I do know is that if I give it to God, REALLY GIVE IT TO GOD, not half-heartedly, then it will work out they way that He wants it to.
Disclaimer: this isn't meaning it will be the way I want it to. Yeah, He works like that.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. The day when people who are in love, have a true love, or have someone who thinks about them, receive sweet little gifts as a token of that affection. This time last year I was packing. Not for me. For him. He moved out, completely, the day after Valentine's last year. It's been a whole year of being just me and my girls. A whole year where I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more for a love of my own.
Here's the thing about love. It lies. Let me explain. Love in the way that we understand it, lies. Most of us view love as a feeling. We "feel" in love. And we have all bought into the idea that if we aren't "feeling" it then it doesn't exist. In fact, Valentine's Day is a materialistic manifestation of that kind love. It is a day that advertisers have concocted to make us think that just maybe there is a day when we will finally be thought of. Because thoughts create feelings. Yes, dear, they do. You know it, as well as I. Honestly, though, why should we all bank on a single day to be shown this? If that person doesn't "love" enough the other days of the year, the idea that it takes a Hallmark holiday to get them to profess their undying love, well, should be a clue that perhaps just maybe what they are after is MUCH LESS than your heart.
Truth of it is, IF you were really loved then the day wouldn't be needed. Nope. You would be shown in so many ways. You would be thought of. You would be the person another longs to see and spend time with. You would not be second, third or even fourth place to that individual, save for if God came first. And, if you are honest with yourself you know what that looks like. You know what that "feels" like. You know when you really matter to another person. Because...
Love isn't chasing after another. If you are constantly seeking, giving, yearning, begging for time or attention from another person, then chances are EXTREMELY high that they really aren't that into you. This is especially true when after the beginning is over and they have what they wanted in the first place - validation, attention, to see if they still 'had' it, whatnot - then they will slowly back off and let you die miserably in your loneliness questioning what just happened. It wasn't you they were after, well, it wasn't your heart actually. Ladies, don't confuse what is real and what is a feeling. Real men don't play games. However...
Love isn't having to be chased. Do not be the one to play games. You are not made by Milton Bradley or Hasboro. You are a person. Do not toy with another person's heart. I will agree that sometimes you can get caught up in a "feeling". Attention can be deceiving. I urge you weigh it against the truths of God's word. If you are doing everything in your power to make sure they are chasing you, then well, I think you are looking at love all wrong. A real man isn't going to show his affection in the way that contemporary society says they need to. (You know what I mean here.)
So, if we aren't chasing and we aren't being chased, then we aren't really needing this Hallmark holiday to validate our 'love'. What do we do? What does love do? I wish I knew. I wish I had the answers. Instead I have nothing more than what it isn't. I know what not to do. I'd like to tell you that I will succeed when presented the chance and that I will not make a mistake in the interim. What I do know is that if I give it to God, REALLY GIVE IT TO GOD, not half-heartedly, then it will work out they way that He wants it to.
Disclaimer: this isn't meaning it will be the way I want it to. Yeah, He works like that.
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