I Read Too Much

Last Sunday I wrote to you about the lesson we are learning in Sunday School.  Well, today we continued where we left off discussing labels and how they can either define us or build us up.  I've thought a lot about this lesson over the course of this week.  I've thought about the negative labels people have applied to me in the past several months and those that I have applied to myself.  I've been labeled by others as wayward, wild, and unkind.  I've labeled myself as unworthy, unwanted, and undesired. It is taking me time to let go of the me inside of me.  This person who likes to have all the control, this person that likes to help God on His quest of making me into the person He designed me to be.  A question was posed of us this morning to the effect of; what have we sacrificed in our lives to remove the labels that we have applied to ourselves.  You see, I cannot remove those that others gave me.  They, after all, are ...

A year.  It is quite remarkable the difference a year can make.  I would be lying if I said I didn't cry today, that I put my big girl panties on, a fresh smile, and made it out the door to face the world.  But I did.  I cried.  Actually I sobbed.  I bawled.  I wept out loud.  At church.  At home.  All day.  We made it to church and I had the pleasure of  wonderful conversations with some dear friends.  Then at that end of the service I had a few more that came up to me at the altar and prayed with me and for me.  One held back my hair and rubbed my neck, another had her arm wrapped around me, another was holding my arm, and so many, they cried with me.  They cried, aloud, with me. And they prayed because they know. They know that even though it has been a year ago today since the ex-Mr. made the choice to walk away, my heart is still hurting.  They know that I am still in a lot...

These past couple of weeks I've been a mixture of emotions.  Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and others I feel like the world has conquered me.  I try not to focus on the calendar, but because the hours will it to happen the days keep turning one into another anyway.  Its the way of things I guess.  Time doing that thing it does.  Only those who have passed on are truly free of its inevitableness.  A year ago my days had their own issues, but I was sitting here without a doubt, behind this laptop, keying in some snarky bit of wisdom or more likely a string of random sarcasm as a woman who thought she knew who she was.  Never would I have thought that the days after would begin the journey that I am still on.  Those days which felt like years each turned into days that flew by.  In some ways I've grown stronger.  I'm doing those things that I never thought I would be able to do.  I am supporting my girls all by m...

One thing I do not miss about school are the tests.  Oh my goodness did I hate taking tests.  In fact, I was always that student who would ask to write a 10 page paper in place of taking a test.  Yes, there really are people like me!  Ha!  I've been out of school now for a few months.  In fact, when I was finishing up people would ask me what I was going to do with all my free time and I'd just look at them like, "are you crazy?  I'm a single mom of three, there is no such thing as free time."  Yeah, I still think that way, but I do have my 'every other weekend'!  I digress.  The truth of it is, even with two degrees and no immediate desire to go back for a third, I have not stopped taking tests. In all honesty, none of us really do.  Life in and of itself is a test. My devotional today was so applicable.  It truly hit home with this fact.  We've all been in that place where ick has happened.  Where w...

Well lovelies it is October.  This month has finally arrived.  I haven't been on here in a while, but I have checked in to read your comments.  Last month was a month of a lot of firsts for me.  I started off telling you about it and sharing a lot of the things I learned.  I had a milestone last month.  I ran my first half marathon.  My goal was to come in under 2 hours.  I finished at 2:03:25.  I started too slow (10 min/mile pace), didn't pick my splits up soon enough, and had WAY too much energy left at the finish.  But, I will take this as a win and another learning experience.  There is so much to learn about running, but I think it is what you learn about yourself when you run that really makes the difference.  I am learning that I really do have what it takes for the long haul. But is was how that month ended and this one began that I really need to share with you.  First, I must say that today, today is...

My middle little, the one who is extremely sassy, drama-prone, loud to the nth degree, impressionable, and full of genuine love wanted to go through scrapbooks tonight.  This should have sent alarm bells off in my head the minute I walked back in from my walk/run tonight.  (Yes, I tried to run even with my injury, yes, yes, yes!) I tried every tactic I could think of to deter this.  I made up one condition after another.  It wasn't so much that I didn't want to spend the time with her; I just didn't want to go through those blasted books.  Those books that I poured untold hours, obscene amounts of money, and unmeasurable amounts of love into creating.  I USED to scrapbook.  USED to . You know, back when preserving family memories meant something because forever wasn't supposed to end. We started off somewhere in the middle of her toddler years.  I was never good at chronological order.  I made that a goal with the littlest little, but ...

We've all heard some variation of the saying, "when one door closes another one opens."  I really hate that saying for many reasons.  I think the biggest reason is that a closing door is often looked at as the goodbye, the end.  The door can be gently closed, slammed shut, pushed in firmly, what have you.  However you look it, it is a severing of something - ties, time, plans, memories, relationships, etc.  But what if we look at it from the other side?  Not as the person on the outside, the one who no longer has access to what ever the thing may be.  What if we look at it from the inside?  Then that closed door could became a symbol of hope, comfort, and happiness.  I've had a lot of doors closed on me in the past 11 months.  Doors I never thought would.  I have also tried to open doors; doors that just wouldn't budge. As these doors closed, none by choice, until yesterday, but I will get to that lat...