I Read Too Much

Can I be honest with you?  Oh, what the hey, I'm always open and honest with you.  (My naysayers will refute that, but we all have them.)  This past Sunday in Sunday School we had a lesson that I just cannot seem to shake.  There are so many of those aren't there?  I actually think many of my posts say, or at least start off saying, the same thing.  You see, we were talking about envy.  We were talking about those things that we see others have that just makes us second guess ourselves.  Now, the teacher he was expecting the normal answers like, "I wish I had $$ like so and so."  "I wish my house was as big as..."  You get the idea.  But before anyone else could chime in I spoke up.  I didn't even preface my answer.  No, I threw it out there in all of its ugliness.  I gave it the spotlight, I bared its simplicity and it complexity.  That thing that I wish I had that everyone else has?  That thing that I get ...

Over the course of the years I have been both brutally honest and transparent as well as cloaked in self preservation.  Tonight, well, I have something to share that I've held in since elementary school.  Something that has ate away at the fabric of my being so deeply that at times I wonder if it isn't the truth of who I am simultaneously fighting the person I chose to be.  I will not name the person as I know their words were never meant for my eyes; only my  mother's.  I cannot say how I stumbled across the words, so fervently scrawled across the perfectly lined paper, but I did.  I think I even subconsciously heard that I should never be allowed to see the words.  Yet, I was a child.  Once fraught with curiosity that I chose to seek the words that held an omen that I have fought my entire life never to become. You see, the person who penned these was not truly in anger with my being, but more so with the choices of th...

What do you do when you want to write, but you know the words are all going to be the vomit your brain has produced all day?  I want to get the words out.  I want to get these things out of my head.  I want to be free from them. And yet, even now as I am typing I do not recall each one. I know that they have weighed on me today and that because of it I am completely and utterly drained today.  I have no energy.  I am void of feeling - I am numb.  We had an amazing lesson today in Sunday School (Small Group if you will) and a terrific message during the service.  Man, I seriously love our church.  I seldom wonder if I tell anyone enough on how much I need them.  How much I need the peace and comfort of the people I call my church family.  The Sunday School lesson was on New Year's Resolutions and the Message was on Stewardship (Embracing Responsibility).  And since then I have been in a funk. You see, I don't make New Y...