I Read Too Much

It started in November of 2012.  I couldn't eat.  I mean, my world had been upended.  The Mr. had walked away.  I didn't notice it at first.  Those first few pounds rarely are noticed, most especially when you are 80 pounds overweight.  (According to the BMI chart that is.)  By Thanksgiving of that year I noticed that my clothes were fitting just a bit looser. Then I thought, why not?  Why not start exercising? At first I did it for all the wrong reasons.  I thought what if I could loose weight, that would make him change his mind, right?  No.  It didn't.  But I didn't stop trying.  Work out after work out I spent thinking I could win him back by changing the way I look.  I mean that was a reason he ran away in the first place.  Come New Year's I had lost 22 pounds.  Yes, all because of my situation. In the end it didn't work, but my desire to stay in shape had been formed.  I started to run....

I'm going to be up front here, people are going to get mightily fed-up with hearing about my marathon.  Me, I can't wait.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm scared senseless.  I mean, the farthest I have ever ran at a given time is just shy of 18 miles.  This is 26.2!  YIKES!  That is a LOT of ground to cover at once.  I have a few goals for myself.  I am not sure if they are considered aggressive or not because I've not ran a race like this before. Regardless, my goals are below: 1) It is important to know that I am not qualifying for Boston.  I do not have a desire to qualify for Boston.  In fact, my biggest goal is to finish the race in an upright position!  So, that is goal number one; to cross the finish line with my own strength. 2) When I ran my first half I kind of had this lofty goal.  Then I was "educated" by others who have ran them before and I kind of adjusted my goal.  Let's just say I learned a lot on tha...

She searched and searched and searched and still she couldn't find him. "Where could he be, Lord?" She asked. "Does he even exist?" These are the questions that plague her, morning and night.  She is consumed by them really.  She longs to find that person who is to be her forever someone. She reads everything she can, listens to everyone around her, and yet she feels no closer to the answer than when she started. "Give it time and wait for the Lord." her friends say. "Become an A+ kind of woman." her pastor says. "You don't need anyone but yourself." her coworker says. "Just go out and have fun." others say. Still the tears soak her pillow daily.  Still the loneliness of her circumstance overwhelms her logical thought.  Still she longs to have that thing that was stolen from her.  Still she is no closer to the healing her heart needs.  She is broken on the inside.  Millions of little pieces that do not even ...

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend today.  You see, I'm still caught on this whole "I am divorced" thing.  I have in a few earlier posts shown great strength and the proof that there is life after divorce, but for the past couple of months I have really struggled.  I mean REALLY struggled. I want to, more than anything, put forth my best face.  I want to prove that I don't need anyone and that I am a strong, independent woman who needs no man.  Truth of it is, I really don't need a man, but I sure do miss being married.  I miss the companionship.  I miss knowing that I am someone that another chose to spend their life side-by-side with. I hate dating.  It stinks.  It isn't so much the being me part that stinks, it is revealing that part of me to another.  It's kind of like shopping.  Who am I kidding it is a lot like shopping.  I have an insane love of running shoes.  (Perhaps almost as crazy ...

I live in that part of the country that received a healthy portion of snow over the past 24 hours.  Then, to add insult to injury, we dropped 40 degrees and the wind has been less than kind. In other words, it has been brutal.  In all, the total effect has resulted in the state (or at least my portion of it) being closed down.  Now, I can tell you that as an adult snow days are not only welcomed, but secretly wished for.  That is, if you have something to do other than dig yourself out of the snow.  When they are bored I usually tell my Littles to "find" something.  I mean, they have just about anything a child could want:  books, coloring books, crayons, tablets, movies (well they have to come to a collective agreement since we only have 1 TV), toys, etc.  Seriously, they should be able to keep busy, right?  Yet, here I am struggling with boredom.  You see, I've been here, in my home, all alone for 4 days.  This is the week...