I Read Too Much

This past Sunday at church Pastor gave a message called "This New Year."  As the week has unfolded and I've ready many, many Facebook posts regarding resolutions and changes people want to make, coupled with all the challenges that my running groups have put out there, I have decided I'm not making a resolution.  It isn't that I don't think I need goals or changes in my life, we all do.  Each and everyone of us need a goal and change.  We need the discipline that a good goal creates and the necessary pain that change gives.  Now, don't misunderstand what I am saying, change for change's sake isn't good, but I think if you were to look deep  you'd find one thing.  I know I have.  Allow me to explain. Year's ago, when I had my first interview for a promotion with my company, I was taken aback by a question the manager asked.  I should tell you that I am a very outspoken person (no, it's true!) and in some circumstances, like when I'...

If I had it to do over again, I would still keep 2013 for all that it was.  Now, yes, I did have a rough go of it.  I questioned my faith, I turned my back on the things I knew to be right and true, I lost my husband, but despite all of that I found so much more. I found the blessing of true friendship.  I found that while not everyone who says they are your friend really is, but that is ok.  Every person has the choice to accept and listen and believe the stories they want.  Truly life will go on because there are those people who, despite your flaws, see the person you are, the person God created you to be, and still they love you and guide you and help you to grow.  These are the models of true friendship. I found that I do have perseverance.  I could have let the ick of my life cause me to fail at school, not focus on what I had to do, and override all that I had already accomplished, but I didn't.  I continued to continue on and...

This year the days leading up to Christmas have been a bevvy of mixed emotions for me. Yes, last year I was wreck.  You all read it, here, in black and white.  Yet when I read back over some of those posts I wonder where that woman is who had so much faith.  That woman who clung so hard to the hope that just maybe she would receive a Christmas miracle after all.  It didn't come.  I secretly, well, not really, I publicly believed in it.  Don't get me wrong I still believe in miracles.  I still believe that God is in the miracle making business, I just know that that wasn't mine.  Despite all that, despite how I feel and the sadness that overwhelms me most of the time, I cannot actually forgo the season, as much as I may have wanted to.  I have my Littles to think about.  They, these precious gifts of mine, do still believe in miracles and it is my duty to provide them with that.  So, I set out this year to do the best I could ...

If there is one thing in this world that I am the worst at, it is having patience.  Well, I guess that isn't entirely true.  I have no qualms about waiting in lines, at the doctor's office, at a stop light, etc.  Where I have issues is with waiting on God's timing.  I'm battling that right now.  You see, I'm done waiting.  I hate this.  (Yes, I am going to whine for a bit here, but bare with me, I think it will work itself out in the end.)  I hate this time where I am stuck going no where.  Where I've quite emphatically expressed to God what it is that I want and even to a degree how it should be.  Yes, I do know that isn't how it works! The Bible tells us to be still, to know that He is God.  It also tells us that He knows the desires of our heart.  Then it goes on to tell us that He only wants the best for us.  God is pretty awesome like that.  Yet, we, in our humanness, can't see the big picture.  We ar...

...isn't always gold.  A few months ago had a friend told me this I'd have stared at them with a deer in the headlights look.  I mean what does this really mean?  Time has given me some perspective on this.  Time and a hard lesson learned.  Here's the thing, pain can cloud our judgment; especially pain that is caused by loneliness brought on by heartache.   I wish I had enough words to describe this pain to those who have never experienced it before.  It is debilitating.  It can and will reduce you to nothing before you get to that point where you are able to stand again.  This pain is magnified even more, to some degree, by the length of time you were with the person.  But, not always is this true. In February of this year, when the ex-Mr. moved out completely into his own place I had a long talk with my friend, Anna.  Well, I had many, but at this time she told me to stand my ground and to...

I know that Thanksgiving was a few days ago and, true to form, I am late on this post.  I have been a bit quiet lately, but that will be remedied soon enough.  If you were to ask 10 random people what their favorite holiday was most likely half of them would say Thanksgiving.  It's true.  One of the most overlooked of all holidays is the one most people hold near and dear.  It is my absolute favorite holiday.  Now, don't get me wrong I love Easter and Christmas for altogether other reasons, but Thanksgiving is that one day a year when family gets together and there is no pretense, just the joy of being together.  This was my first Thanksgiving without the ex-Mr.  I want to tell you that I spent it in a funk and couldn't move and was debilitated by the grief, but the truth of it is, I wasn't.  No, in fact, I have to tell you it was the best Thanksgiving we have ever had.  The reason?  We all got to be who we are.  You know how w...