I Read Too Much

Yesterday I shared about how my devotional was spot on with what I'm dealing with, and well, I'm still going back over the ones I've left unread for the past couple months.  I shouldn't have, left them unread that is, but I can honestly tell you I wouldn't have really read them anyhow.  I had turned my listening ears off because I had turned my way of doing things on.  There are a lot of things that happened this summer.  A lot of beautiful things and a lot of not so beautiful things.  I have a lot of memories that I will cherish forever and some lessons that I wish I would have never learned.  I think the hardest lesson, and this will be a post later on, is about the amount of people who will let you go, as a friend, acquaintance, etc because they only want to view one side of a story.  Again, we will revisit that later. Back to a bit from today's devotional, which was actually from July 14th.  "And your sin isn’t any better!...

I find it ironic that, for the past couple of days, my devotionals have been almost word for word with my blogs. OK, that may be stretching it, but my blogs, now that I have caught up with my devotionals, seem to follow suit.  (Or the timing of my experiences I should say.) EXCERPT FROM MY DEVOTIONAL: Galatians 3:4 says, “Were all your experiences wasted? I hope not” (NCV). Don’t run away from your past. Because of pain, many people deny their past, ignore their past, discount their past, regret their past, or resent their past. They revise their past and make up stories because they’re happier dealing with the lie than the pain of the past. But if you’re in denial, God can’t use your experience for good. God can use every experience in your life for good, but you’ve got to stop running from them. You have to embrace your experiences. Maybe your parents weren’t that great, maybe you weren’t that hot in school, maybe you weren’t the football captain or the prom queen — so what? ...

I have thought about this post so many times in the last 10 months. YES, 10 months! People, I am literally 2 months from the one year mark where the ex-Mr walked away. I know, I know, I am TOTALLY the last person to dole out marriage advice. I mean, hell, I've been divorced twice now -we'll leave it at they both moved on, but I am the woman that gets left for a different model. Ok, so I'm not being fair to this blog post or myself here. I have a point. I hope you stick around long enough to read it. Truth, marriage is not easy. It is actually the hardest thing you will EVER do in life. I understand that many people do NOT want to hear marriage advice from a twice-divorced, single woman. But, it's my blog and you ARE here. Now, now, I am not trying to be a smarty-pants, it's just, well, sometimes you have to walk a mile in those shoes to realize the full extent of the blisters they create. So here are a few things I'd like to share. Again, I am not claiming t...

Tonight at Bible Study, as I was looking up the lesson's focal verse, I stumbled upon all the underlined verses that spoke to me and the notes to God that I had penned during that time I fought to keep the now ex-Mr. I can see in those words, the Lord's and Mine, the basis of my hope and strength.  You see, I had put it ALL in Him. I had trusted.  I had no where else to go.  I didn't want to go anywhere else.  I believed.  He's a big God.  He's a miracle worker. Then somewhere between the day the ex-Mr. moved out and today, I stopped going to the Lord for my hope and strength. I stopped .  I had begun to put that on something else. I've alluded to this over the months since then, quite a few times actually.  I really don't have the desire to tell you what that is, but I will.  I need to.  Not because I want sympathy, no, but because I need to share it.  I need to let you know that it is ok to be there too.  That is if you...

Words are powerful things.  Words, over time, can create emotion, feelings, and circumstances.  Words are one of those things when not wisely administered or received can put you somewhere you never thought you would be.  Words are also those things that will lift you up, carry you on wings like eagle's, and deliver the most beautiful of moments.  Words. It started with words.  It started with conversation.  One thought into another.  One idea shared, one dream uttered, one truth over time becoming daily revelations of truths.  Words shared continuously, never ceasing in some cases.  I giggle at the amount of words; beautiful words, true and honest words.  Not that they were funny, but that there were so many.  Epic levels of words.  EPIC!  And that is where the words turned into the longing for a call.  An impromptu visit for a hug.  And time.  More time.  Then the time lead to anticipati...

This post will be broken into several posts; rather, this subject will be broken into several posts.  My mind has runneth over.  My thoughts, my feelings, my, well, everything.  There were days when the well-spring had dried up; when the words wouldn't come. Now, now when I have so much sadness, love, hurt, happiness, just plain emotion in general I can't seem to stop the words from fighting each other in my mind.  Again .  It happened again . I hate to be so transparent, but I guess I'm the leaving type.  I know that isn't being fair to me or to him.  He had to do this.  He had to take care of things on his end.  I'm going to start this series about him.  Many of you who follow this blog know the him I am referring to.  Then there are many who don't.  It's ok whichever side of the story you are on, you will know him by the end of this.  You will know the him who stole my heart, made it grow, taught me a few things, and ...

I run.  I run miles and miles and miles.  I'd like to say that I do it because I want to be a contender for the Boston Marathon, but I don't.  I run because when I am overwhelmed it is the one way I release that pent up energy.  This energy I speak of isn't always from having it to burn, but from an over abundance of feeling that I cannot get through.  Some people, like the one that I love, work with their hands, brute physical force, it is what they use to get through the feelings.  They can channel all that emotion and make beautiful things.  Me, I run. I'd like to say I'm making a beautiful thing.  Perhaps changing my shape could become that thing, but right now, it is a way to let go of the emotion that controls my life.  And it does.  I have been taken over by my emotions.  I had these in those early days and months.  Those days where I started to channel the energy into working out and getting healthier.  The healt...

We all have that one thing that propels us, that makes us more of who we are than anything else. We all have that thing we have to tap into. Sometimes we tap into the wrong sources of it, sometimes we search for it in all the wrong ways and it crushes us when we are faced with the depth of the wrongness, but in the end there is still that one thing. Can you name your one thing?  Can you look deeply, honestly, and truthfully at yourself and pinpoint that one thing? I posed this question of myself after talking with an old friend today.  That's the thing about old friends, they knew you before you were you.  I mean in the grown up sense of it that is.  They knew you when you were a kid, when you were going through the awkwardness of growing into your grown-up form.  One of the better things about old friends is that they may not have seen your progression through adulthood and because of that they have a smidgen of clarity on the basis of who you are. The...

I did that one thing that I never thought I would do.  I questioned.  I questioned the one constant I have always had in my life.  I questioned the one person who has never left me.  I questioned him, his faithfulness, and his love for me.  I questioned God.  I think the bigger question is why. Why did I question him, his love, his faithfulness?  Why am I in this position?  Because I am broken.  I admit it.  Actually I have admitted it many, many times over this past almost year.  I'm broken.  I'm human.  In my humanness I have reduced my pain, my struggle, my heartache to one thing...a question of God's love for me. I have taken that stance where I have put myself in a place where I think I need to be more important than him.  I can't be.  I never will be.  None of us will actually.  It's a fact whether you are a believer or not.  We simply never will be, nor can be, better than God....

and all through the house.  Not a creature was stirring....WAIT????!!!! WHAT???!!! Heaven's yes they are stirring.  I can't get these littles to calm down to save my life.  You'd think I bought them each a case of pixie sticks and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew with a Monster chaser and sent them upstairs.  Now, I know, it is all just nervous energy.  The excitement of starting another  school year.  The joy of getting to see some of their friends again after a long summer of not seeing them.  I get this.  I do, really.  After all, it hasn't been THAT long ago since...ha!  Who am I kidding?  It has been 18 years since I've had a "first day of school" - in the traditional sense at least. This is a milestone year in our house for many reasons.  For happiness' sake I'm going to start with the positives.  They are all tear jerking in some manner or form.  I'll shed tears tomorrow.  I know.  Yes, I...

There are times when I over think things.  And by over thinking I really, truly, honestly mean O-V-E-R       T-H-I-N-K-I-N-G!   The Bible tells us not to worry.  In fact here are a couple of verses: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? - Luke 12:25-26 Yet this is what I do.  I worry.  I worry for many reasons. The most prevalent reason?  I over think.  I create things that aren't there.  I take a situation and make it grow into something it isn't, then I worry about it.  I, quite simply, make mountains out of molehills.  There are times when these hills are warranted.  When there are enough slivers of truth,  yes the kind that is viewed from a...