I Read Too Much

There are times when you have a million things to say and yet not the words to do so.  That is me - today.  Rather, it is a manifestation of a long weekend worth of lots on my mind and numerous thoughts climbing over each other for prominence and the right to be uttered aloud.  This happens to me frequently.  In fact I usually find that they come more freely when I have the opportunity to type them out.  Thus, I have something to say.  Someone that I care for, deeply, truly, honestly is hurting.  The hurt was self induced and yet simultaneously thrust upon them.  That type of hurt comes from not owning both sides of a story. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story. In fact,  I looked back over some of my posts from 8+ months ago.  Those posts where the pain and the heartache and the anguish were so unbearable I could do nothing else but understand it through my eyes.  Today, or this whole weekend ac...

There's a lot to be said for gaining closure on something.  I know most people believe life can finally be lived when this occurs.  I'm not here to say if they are right or wrong, but one thing I do know, is that closure doesn't always come at the time you think it should.  Wednesday was the last mandated bit the county judges required of the ex-Mr. and I and the day all the last slips of paper were signed and ink dried.  Wednesday.  Three days ago.  Eight whole months after this journey began.  I should have closure now, right?  I should be elated, footloose and fancy-free.  Actually, perhaps, just a little, but not because of this, not because of divorce.  There, I said it.  I uttered the word I haven't allowed myself to use - boldly and outwardly with conviction and force.  I'm divorced.  My family dynamic has officially been changed. I now join the ranks of many other women out there who will carry-on and grow babies a...

I’ve struggled most of my life with accepting me for who I am and what I look like.   Yes, this is the second post along these same lines, but I think the lesson is far too important to not focus on it fully.   I’ve been really convicted lately over how I view myself.   And I think if we are true with ourselves then we can admit that there are times when we all do this.   Yet, this isn’t our role.   This isn’t what we are to do. But we do it anyway by saying things to ourselves and others like; ”I’m just being honest where no one else will”, “I’m a realist”, or “I can see the real me better than you can.”   However, deep down, these are defense mechanisms we use to hide hurts.   These are the words we use to justify our appearance against standards that were created by the world.   The world.   People, that is a big scary thing.   The world cannot create anything, yet we are letting it define how we, the created, should think and fe...