I Read Too Much

I really felt led to this post today.  It's been a couple days in the making really.  I have started it a couple times in my head and pretty much scratched it each time.  I find that when I get into a particular mood my posts follow suit.  Truth, I've had a craptastic week.  Yes, for those who don't know what that means - simply, it was not good.  Now, I've had some good events, like taking my last finals ever as a college student, but I've also had the unfortunate pleasure of a few lessons learned.  Ironic, huh?  These lessons I've learned, they aren't exactly new ones.  Nope.  They have been taught to me before.  In fact, to add insult to injury, I was actually able to recall, ver batim, what I learned the first time. And, because there cannot be enough salt in this wound today, I even remember the time, place, and face of the person who taught them to me. Yep, exact same scenario.  Man, I...

I've thought about this so many times over the past few months.  The meaning of my name.  So, Mandy, in and of itself,  doesn't have a a "special" meaning, but since it is a derivative of Amanda, which does, one can say the meaning is: Worthy of Love.  Actually, any number of Google searches will say the same.  I have known this since I was young actually.  My grandma had gotten me a bookmark that said this when I was in middle school.  You know, back in those days when romantic ideology is at its peak.  Back when you could believe in prince charming and happily ever after.  In fact, it was my 8th grade school year when I got this.  I can see it now, in my mind's eye.  It was pink with a meadow scene on it and it said - Amanda:  Worthy of Love.  I wanted to believe it.  I have always been a hopeless romantic at heart.  I've always believed in true love, love at first sight, and happily ever after.  I've al...

Lao-tzu has told us that "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I took that step today.  Quite literally.  I ran my first 5k.  I had told myself I was going to do this and do it to the best of my ability.  I ran this race with a friend.  I was open and honest with her from the get go.  I told her that if she was faster, to go on ahead.  To which she replicated the statement.  I agreed.  I set off on my journey.  I wanted to see what I could do.  This was of utmost importance to me.  I needed to know what I was capable of.  After all, running is one of my pleasures in life.  I did this for me.  I did this with no one cheering me on.  Well, at least race side.  I had many cheering me on from where they were.  I'm going to stop this train of thought and go there for a second. I have to say this, I am the most blessed woman in the world.  Yes, I may have lost a hu...

I've had this conversation with a couple people this week.  Not just any people either. Truly, I think it'd be too much of a conversation for that level of randomness, but with people who hold a piece of my heart.  They know who they are.  They will be reading this.  I love each of you for different reasons and the same reason.  You should know that.  I try to tell you.  Actually I have.  In my way.  But, now you know, and well, so do the others reading this!  Those people and their advice?  Simply - Find myself. That's the hard part after divorce.  Finding yourself.  It's not so much redesigning yourself, but the honest to goodness finding of yourself.  In the almost 12 years I was with my ex I think I lost a bit of myself.  Now I'm not going to go down that line of stinkin' thinkin'.  It isn't right for a couple of reasons.  First, it was what it was.  Dysfunction and all. ...

James 4:17 says - "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." I've had this verse rattling around in my mind for days now.  Actually, its been a few weeks.  I want to say I've listened to that still small voice consistently for the past two months, but I don't want to lie.  Can you believe its been two month since he moved out?  I have officially had a man free home for that long.  Yes, he was gone a few months before that, but his stuff was still here and I'm getting off topic.  Truth - I've sat on this post for a few days because every word I typed felt more forced than it should.  Typically I can write one of these things in minutes as the words pour out, yet not this time.  Not quite.  I now know why.  I wasn't done learning the 'why'. I want these words to mean something, to be a tool for another person going through the same, or similar situation, but in this case I am the one ...

This was the title of the Fresh Perspectives devotional on the radio today.  The speaker shared that those who don't have their life grounded in the Lord are just foolishly running around rushing into any thing, situation, or circumstance they can in order to find what they are looking for.  I was so taken aback by the simple truth of it that I couldn't focus on much of anything else for the rest of my drive in to work.  I'm a fool.  I'm rushing.  Really.  Truly.  And in some cases, wholeheartedly. Pardon the pun, but there is a rush to it.  There is a freeing quality to running full speed at something, but it is in the moment afterward where you see that perhaps maybe, just maybe, caution should have been exercised.  I learned this lesson the hard way.  I want to say that I never make these types of mistakes, but I won't lie.  I do.  I make mistakes.  I'm purely human.  I'm also a girl.  Yes, it's tr...