I Read Too Much

Well, lovelies, its here.  The end of my hopes and dreams.  It all came crashing down on me this morning.  I found out some of the very ugly truths that, had I really looked, were there all along. Sadly, I believed that I could love them out of existence.  But that is the thing with sin, only one person is strong enough to love it all away and that is Jesus Christ.  We in our humanness can love the sinner, pray for them, cry for them, care for them, and long for them, but their choices will ultimately take precedence.  And that is what happened today.  I discovered proof of my worst fears.  The thing that I didn't want to have happen, did.  I knew it would. The changes I saw in him this past week were too grand for it not to have.  I saw it.  I knew the inevitable would occur, oh, I naively hoped it wouldn't.  I believed that the core of the person was stronger than the sin, but I was wrong - dead wrong. That's what sin ...

I went there.  I went to that place where I let my thoughts drive me to the cliff and I slowly fell over.  I thought I was going to have a good day.  In fact, it started good.  I was encouraged by Psalm 20 this morning, shared it with my good friend, Anna, and had a very productive day at work.  I was good to go.  Then my husband texted me.  Yes, first!  I know!  You're thinking it too, but no, we were both wrong.  He sent me a photo of the damage to his "old" car.  Apparently someone hit it and drove off.  He filed a police report.  Yep, that was it.  That was the extent to what he had to say.  I asked a couple of questions about it, got very basic responses and it was over.  I told him I loved him....nothing.  I asked about his day....nothing.  I called....nothing.  Then he put me on ignore.  That's when my thoughts took me where they shouldn't have gone. I know just a few days a...

Lately I've had a lot of words and believe me I have much more to say, but today I heard a song, then another, and well, sometimes a song says it all.  I have put these in a purposed order to tell my story.  To hear them click on the Title of each song.  Enjoy! - M Third Day - I Need A Miracle Late one night she started to cry and thought "He ain't coming home" She was tired of the lies, tired of the fight But she didn't wanna see him go She fell on her knees and said I haven't prayed since I was young But "Lord above I need a miracle" Well no matter who you are And no matter what you've done There will come a time When you can't make it on your own And in your hour of desperation Know you're not the only one Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle" I need a miracle What Love Really Means - JJ Heller Her office is shrinking a little each day She's the woman whose husband has run away She'll go to the gym afte...

I have had this post on my mind for days, many days actually, but haven't quite put together how to write it.  Then today, as we were taking the movies back to the Redbox, my girls were watching Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief on the DVD player in the van and it all came to me.  Often they wear the headphones, but every once in a while we just let the move play over the van speakers.  (It helps when it is a movie that I really like too, this was one of them!)  Anyway, the scene that came on, as we were driving, was the one where they enter the Lotus Den in Las Vegas.  I'm hoping you have seen it, because I'm going to spell it out here.  In other words, this is a spoiler alert! Percy and his companions enter The Lotus, a casino, and at first they keep their eyes on the prize, in this case the pearl they need to get back from the underworld.  However, they are constantly bombarded by the "workers" to try this and th...

We all have a history.  We all have parts of our story that we'd like to remove, undo, or relive with the knowledge we possess today.   However, the truth of it is - it simply can't be redone or even undone.  The past is the past.  I've told you that there will be a day when I share my story, the whole of it.  I will, but not now.  Not yet.  I can't share something that I am still working on.  It isn't that I am still living that piece of it, its that I haven't let it go.  Oh, I've sought forgiveness and received it, both from God and from the one who I hurt.  They both gave it to me.  They both loved me enough to do just that.  However,  sadly, there is still one person who hasn't forgiven me - ME .  I never really paid attention to it.  Never really thought of myself as living with unforgiveness.  I mean, after all, forgiveness is something we do, or don't do, unto others....

Yes, lovelies, the mind is a terrible thing.  Oh, now it can be used for mounds of good, and it can lead you to many excellent choices and decisions, but when left unattended it can become your worst enemy.  You see, these lonesome days have led into lonesome weeks, and the weeks, sadly, to months.  There are days when I am good, really good.  As in I have enough to do, someone to talk to, and no mass amounts of time to leave me wondering.  Then there are days like yesterday where all I do is constantly think and dwell on my loneliness. Let me share a little something I'm learning.  I am learning during this time.  I am learning many, many lessons.  Some of which are good, some of which aren't so good.  Mostly, I'm learning that idleness is dangerous.  That time with nothing to do invariably leads you to a place you don't want to go, figuratively of course.  I keep finding myself there.  It isn't a good place.  It has da...

Have you ever had so many things on your mind at once that you couldn't clearly articulate one thought?  That is how my mind is today.  There are so many things going on up there that I don't know how to sort them out and make them make sense.  I use this blog as my tool to try! Please understand that I want to keep this blog upbeat-ish and happy.  I want it to be a source of encouragement and hope.  I want it to be a place you come back to because you care to see what is written.  However, there may be days where I fail.  Where the ugliness of what is going on in my life spews out negatively.  In those moments just know that hurt brings out a lot.  Pain hides nothing and in its quest to infect, its wounds are sometimes grotesquely evident. Here are a few of the pinballs (thoughts) that I have had bouncing around in my head for the last day or so.  Hope you find some wisdom, or at least comfort in them. Randomness: 1....

Pretty much means you will.  I have had a rough day lovelies; a really, really rough day. It seems to me that my joy from the first of the month was to be short lived. VERY.SHORT.LIVED.  Life is now back to the same old ebb and flow that it was prior to that day, with one exception, he says he's staying.  Oh, yes, this is a magnificent, glorious declaration; one that makes my heart soar.  But, physically being in a place in no way fulfills the mental and emotional presence that should also accompany being in a place.  So I sit, ever longingly, by my phone willing it to chirp the sound of an incoming text and wishing it to sing the song that is his ringtone.   Regrettably, we are back to one word replies to my many texts, we are back to my wanting and his pushing.  We are back to me, yet again, exposing my heart for the heartache that follows. I've prayed that this wouldn't happen, yet I knew it would.  I k...

I struggled with what to share with you; on one hand I have the lesson we covered in small group tonight - which spoke to me in many ways, on the other I have yesterday.  Yesterday is going to win.  Both have had an impact, but the magnificence of God's power and grace shines radiantly out of yesterday. My handsome man took an unexpected, but necessary, trip over the past holiday weekend.  This trip was one that he needed for himself and though I could have gotten angry, sad, frustrated, upset, or any other number of emotions, I did not.  In fact, I was excited for him.  He was able to gain perspective.  I've come to know over the years that perspective is oftentimes one of those things you honestly cannot gain when only listening to that of "others".  This is most especially true when the "others" are not a well rounded lot.  And to that end I will share no more; after all, it isn't my story to share. It has been many months since Mr. Ma...