tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46365592265228120032024-03-13T12:06:02.791-04:00I Read Too Muchand that is ok!IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.comBlogger358125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-24079955619822031122022-01-03T12:22:00.003-05:002022-01-03T12:22:55.139-05:002022 Word of the Year<div class="separator"></div><p> This word came to mind a few weeks ago, and try as I might to find something a little more...casual, I could not. Without fail, this word came back time and again through conversation, in reading, and during moments of reflection. Perhaps it was the Lord's way of telling me what I need to focus on and how to make my goals and his will come together.</p><p><br />Alignment.</p><p><br />By itself, this word is really rather dull; even the dictionary definition lacks excitement.<br /> 1. an arrangement in a straight line or in a correct or appropriate relative position(s)<br /> 2. a position of agreement or alliance</p><p><br />Alignment.</p><p><br />Then it hit me. Reflection often has that impact (pun intended)!</p><p><br />Think with me for a moment. Have you ever had a horrible backache? One that felt like every single one of your vertebrae was walking helter-skelter on a slippery tight rope? Yet, was clenching every fiber of its construct into a tight ball to ensure it would not fall? Painful, right?</p><p><br />Or what about when you make plans to do something with a friend, and you decide upon taco Tuesday at the restaurant in town. Misalignment would have you at a dive around 5 pm and your friend at the Bell at 5:15 pm. Sure, the Bell is a dive, and the timing is close, but that slight shift in the plans leads to frustration - for both of you.</p><p><br />Alignment.</p><p><br />I do not deny the perfectness of this word for this year. There is much that I need to align.</p><p><br />I have made several goals across several areas in my life. However, if I do not align my dreams with God's will and the source of strength to make them happen, well...</p><p><br />I will end up in both pain and frustration.</p><p><br />Alignment.</p><p><br />I will continue to ruminate on this word for a while. I will also likely return to it and recenter myself many times before the year is over. After all, I have a way of walking slippery tight-ropes (also known as over-committing, procrastination, self-doubt, daydreaming, and checking out with a book...).</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Alignment Pictures, Alignment Stock Photos & Images | Depositphotos®" class="rg_i Q4LuWd" data-ils="4" height="180" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQbVgwNBj4npQFPhKOSCoajOPDOGmr14_2AXQ&usqp=CAU" width="170" /></p></div><p><br />Alignment.</p><p><i>Trust in the <span class="sc">Lord</span> with all your heart, and do
not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear
the <span class="sc">Lord</span>, and turn away from evil. - Proverbs 3:5-7 </i> </p>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-11856588018764057242021-12-27T10:54:00.003-05:002021-12-27T10:54:42.149-05:00Looking Back on 2021<p> I cannot believe where this journey called life has taken me. Sure, I have left a few of you out of the travel plans...ok...pretty much over two years worth of blogging, but who is counting?! For the brevity's sake I will provide the highlights:</p><p>8/2019 - accepted into a doctoral program</p><p>10/2019 - started a new job</p><p>11/2029 - elected Secretary of our County's women's club <br /></p><p>12/2019 - became foster parents</p><p>2/2020 - Covid restrictions</p><p>5/2020 - lost my job due to Covid</p><p>6/2020 - oldest child graduated high school <br /></p><p>8/2020 - started subbing in local school districts</p><p>5/2021 - lost my adjunct professor position due to Covid (enrollment #s)</p><p>7/2021 - adopted our foster daughter <br /></p><p>8/2021 - offered and accepted a job as a teacher at a local school</p><p>11/2021 - elected President of our County's women's club <br /></p><p>12/2021 - completed all of the course work for the doctoral program</p><p>12/27/2021 - Today :)</p><p>You are now caught up. First, I need to share that everything over the past couple of years has been God-inspired and I am still in awe of how he has moved in my life and those of my family. Second, I must stress the fact that these are only the highlights - real life happened in and between these occasions. And, as you know, real life is messy, hard, frustrating, joyful, angsty, and so much more.</p><p>I hit a low in 2021. After all, I had lost my well-paying job and a job that I had always wanted, being a professor. It is not that I ever considered subbing to be a menial role (it is absolutely not), but that it did not offer me the ability to actually 'do' a job - or so I thought. I learnt more as a substitute than I could have ever in my other roles. Working with kids has a way of humbling you, forcing you to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, and gives you an insight into how to build up the dreams of others.</p><p>I firmly believe this was a lesson that God needed me to learn and I was not about to do it on my own - clearly. Then there is the irony in it all. I had applied for countless jobs during that time. Countless. I applied for jobs that aligned with my resume, then I aligned my resume for certain jobs. I applied for every single adjunct role, at every college and university within a forty mile radius, that met my professional and academic backgrounds. I even applied for roles that were outside of my wheelhouse because honestly, when you need work and no one wants you, you start to grasp. </p><p>I should also mention that I studied for and took the state licensing exams to become an educator in my state. I then took the core content exam necessary to teach the one subject I have the most experience and knowledge in - business. What do you know, I succeeded. From there, I applied for every business teacher position that came up within a forty-mile radius. Not only did I receive no offers, I did not even receive a chance at an interview (something that I had become quite accustomed to). </p><p>Then, through God's grace and the love of friends, I received a call. By word of mouth a school had learned of my name. They scheduled an interview and the next day, well, I was offered the position. Hear me out...I would have NEVER in a million years thought of this position. But God. Oh, he is so good. I am teaching a subject that has always been a passion but never a career choice. More importantly, I am teaching students I would have not thought to teach, specifically at an age range that I have not worked with before. Oh, but God. </p><p>I have been taught so much over the last couple of months, so much. I understand that my role is to teach them how to become stronger writers and to use all of the grammar rules, but they have and are teaching me more than any book ever could. They make me laugh. They make me cry. They make me work so much harder than I ever have, and all because I believe in them. I know they are all going to do great things and while I may not have a lasting imprint on their lives, they will have one on mine. You see, while they may be my students, they are all actually my teachers. Because of this, I want to work all the more to give them the best education I can.</p><p>Then, there is my education. You know, the one I am paying for and working diligently not to fail. I have comprehensive exams starting next week. I also have a seminar that I chose to take to help teach me how to be a better teacher. On top of all of this, I have less than six months to complete my doctoral project - the one I am behind on and requested a ten-week extension for. That said, I love my project because I love the people I am doing it for - my community. I really cannot wait to share all of it with everyone, but need to keep it buttoned up for now. </p><p>Anyway, until the next post.</p><p>In His name, </p><p><b><i>M</i></b><br /></p>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-82500935825320045062021-02-22T13:08:00.001-05:002021-02-22T13:08:11.173-05:00The Words<p> I have written tens of thousands of words over this past year and a half. Those words have brought me to tears - tears filled with anger, frustration, fear, joy, and sadness. <br /><br />Some words I have put on paper for others to read, and some I will keep for myself. <br /><br />Those are my words.<br /><br />I read an article yesterday, or maybe it was the day before, that shared a famous author's outlook on the importance of writing and the success that comes from it. In a nutshell, he said - just do it. I wonder if Nike has a pair of shoes to go with that sentiment?!<br /><br />I am a full-time student. I am also a full-time mom, wife, and housekeeper. For added joy, I am a part-time substitute in several area high schools. One would think with this mix of influence, I would have many words to share. <br /><br />I don't.<br /><br />Yet, I do. See, words are the things that fly through my mind when I do not have a pen and paper, a keyboard and time, or a device to record my thoughts. These are the profound words I tell myself I will remember and then never do.<br /><br />Writing is hard. On the one hand, you would think that words flow in a cacophony of taps on a keyboard; on the other, you know they have been stopped up more securely than Hoover Dam. <br /><br />Words do that.<br /><br />As a mom of teenagers, I have tried to state the importance of sharing truth and kindness, meaning what we say and saying what we mean. But, if ever there was a student for that advice, it would be me. I tend to flourish in prose.<br /><br />At least my research chair says so.<br /><br />Currently, I have focused my words on my doctoral work. Oh, so many words. I am working on a local government, social equity, community-driven problem. It is bigger than me, but it is astronomically important to me too.<br /><br />Words matter.<br /><br />How do your words come out? Do they flow, or are they stopped up? Are they filled with wisdom or drenched in tears? Are they genuine and kind? Are they making a difference to others?<br /><br />That is my personal challenge - to use my words to make a difference for the world around me. <br /><br />Because words can.<br /><br />Proverbs 18:4 - "A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook."</p>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-17153595778866839842019-04-13T11:48:00.002-04:002019-04-13T11:48:16.056-04:00Pray, then ListenI've always been amazed by those who hear the Lord speak to them and they fully know it is Him. I used to long in ways I never understood to have that same thing happen to me. Oh, hear me on this, it wasn't that He wasn't speaking, rather it was I who wasn't hearing.<br />
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There's Speaking.<br />
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Then there's Hearing.<br />
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But both require Listening.<br />
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Oh, not only to have ears that hear but a heart that listens.<br />
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A few weeks ago, while doing my morning devotions, I felt the Lord nudging me. Wait, I need to back up a bit. I love learning. Honestly, more than I love teaching and you all know, well at least those of you who have read this blog for any length of time, how much I love to teach. I digress. For the last six months or so I had been doing in-depth Bible studies. Not your run of the mill read and fill in the blank ones, no these were dig-your-heals-in, read the text, learn the original Greek/Hebrew, draw parallels, and expose the very fiber of your soul studies. Yes. That deep. <br />
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I cried copious tears. I wrote thousands of words. I filled page, after page, after page with love, laughter, and pain. I found grace, acceptance, peace, and a God who just doesn't stop pursuing. Then there was the unexpected. The downright unfathomable. The thing of all things I didn't think I'd ever find. <br />
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Myself.<br />
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The person who I pushed and squished and hid because I thought I needed to be something, someone else. Don't get me wrong on this. Yes, I did yell at the Lord a time or two. I even started a few of our conversations with, "yeah, but". Oh, He'd hear me. He'd even listen to my words. Yet He never gave up on the speaking. I rather imagine He got hoarse a time or two. Or a few times more than that.<br />
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What did it take for me to finally listen? Oh, I had to give up what I thought my life should look like. Right?! As if it should have always been that easy. Yet, the teacher in me knows that the best lessons are learned in the hardest ways. And some of us (ahem - me) are slower learners than others. Just saying.<br />
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I've prayed the same prayers for years. Deep prayers. Words upon words upon words that I didn't think were being heard. Only it wasn't Him not listening. It was me desiring my answer to be what was spoken. We have an uncanny way of doing that. Some of us let go sooner than others. Like me. I held onto my ideas, thinking they were what I needed in order to be who it was I was destined to be. Funny thing was, I never became her. Sure, sometimes she'd pop up, but other times, well, you know.<br />
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Many of those prayers will be left unshared. However, there are two that I believe will put this post into perspective.<br />
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First. My desire to be a good mom. Not just being a mother, but to be a good mom. A mom whose children want to be with her - can't wait to text, call, or come home to talk to. I want to be the mom who supports her children, goes to as many events as I humanly can, enocurages them to pursue their dreams and does what I can to make that happen, but most importantly lets her children know, without a shadow of a doubt they are loved and always wanted. I want to be the mom whose children know she loves the Lord and clings to Him for everything and teaches them to do the same. Because He loves so much more than I ever could. <br />
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You may think that is a funny prayer. After all, isn't that what all moms do? Oh, but that voice in my head told me, and still at times tells me I am anything but that mom. Yet, God knows. And when I focus on Him - He is telling me I AM that mom. For the children He's given to me - by birth or not.<br />
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Second. My desire to be a teacher. Oh, the countless years I've cried buckets full of tears over this. Yes, even before the honor of becoming a mom. Teaching has been ingrained in me since birth I believe. Sure other persuits pushed the possibility and life had its way with me as well, but in the back of my mind and rooted in my heart has always laid this desire.<br />
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I chased it with all that I was for a while. Thinking it was the one thing that would help me be who He said I was. Oh, but it was honestly who I was telling Him I was. As I waivered in and out of the possibility over the last couple years I clung to my abilities, my knowledge, my understanding, well, myself. Sure, I begged and pleaded with Him. We all know how that ends up.<br />
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So what does all this have to do with my Bible studies? I recently finished a couple (yes, I do more than one at a time - call it what you will) and purchased a few more to begin. Yet, the desire wasn't there. I forced it for a couple days before I put it away and just opened my Bible. That first day in prayer (mind you, at this point I had relinquishsed all desires to be a teacher and come full circle to knowing being a mom and a wife IS who I am. And honestly, I really like her.) blew my socks off.<br />
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In a crystal clear way God put something firm on my heart. I was blown away. Me, Lord? Really? Me? "Yes." Naturally, I didn't react straight away. But it wouldn't go away. He pressed it on my heart even more. Ever so much harder. What was there to do but tell Him if it is who He wants me to be and do, then by golly, He was going to have to put it on my husband's heart as well. Don't you just love my braizen boldness?! Who doesn't tell God what to do?! <br />
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Yes, I fully realize the absurdity of my demand. I told my husband that the Lord had put something on my heart but I couldn't tell Him what it was because God had to put it on His too. (That way I couldn't aquaint it to my overactive imagination.) So, my husband prayed and asked Him, point blank, what it was He had put on my heart - the moment we ended the conversation. Then he sat on God's answer until I brought it up again in a tear-filled conversation with him two weeks ago today.<br />
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I told my husband that God hasn't stopped His relentless pressing of this plan He had for me. My husband, in all his love, told me there was no way he could confirm it if I didn't share it. I told him. He went deathly silent and said, "WHAT?". Then he told me that was the exact ONE WORD God told him in his prayer.<br />
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You guys! Don't you see? He still talks to us. He still guides and leads, grows and teaches, plans and gives. Oh, how He gives. While at this point in the story I cannot share, simply know He is a good, good God - and that my husband is fully on board. Afterall, God put it on his heart, too!<br />
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However, before I leave this (rather long) post, I must tell you one more thing. Because only God. ONLY. GOD. The Monday after my husband and I had this conversation, the one where God affirmed His calling on us, I received an email. One I have been waiting for for just shy of two years. I am not only hired as an Adjunct Professor at a local Christian University, I have also been assigned my first course. I cannot wait to watch God work in this opportunity. I am deeply humbled by the chance to lead others in Christlikeness as we navigate Business Principles in our world today.<br />
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Pray, then Listen.<br />
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Love,<br />
<i><b>-M</b></i>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-9073383024249850962019-01-19T09:43:00.002-05:002019-01-19T09:53:26.919-05:00When Life Hands You Snow - PauseThis past week the weathermen have been promising lots of snow. Different newscasts have thrown out varying amounts of accumulation and start dates/times. Anyone who's been this side of eternity for any length of time knows better than to take stock in the earliest forecast given. Then, anyone who lives in this general region knows better than to take stock in <i>any</i> forecast given! Regardless, I have spent the week with great anticipation of this year's "Snowmageddon". Like a kid at Christmas, I spent the week watching as the storm moved its way eastward, waiting with child-like glee for it to morph into this ginormous blue blip on the radar.<br />
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Yet, as the week went on, neither did the radar develop a big, blue blip nor did it bring the with it the earliest promise accumulation of snowfall. However, that didn't stop me from waking up in the middle of the night to look out my bedroom window for the powdery-white goodness. You see, we were supposed to begin receiving the sparkly flakes in the wee hours. That did not happen. I checked the live radar again and it showed the weather was tracking more north than previously stated - I can image those south of us are happy as they were originally to get the worst of it. Naturally, I went back to sleep.<br />
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As weekends are apt to do from time to time, I slept in. I woke up at seven, and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Why tiny, little white drops from heaven covering the ground in soft, quiet mana. And wind. Holy Batman was there some wind! I love to watch how it swirls the snow between our home and the one to the west of us. <br />
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I readily admit driving in this wonderland isn't my favorite. Truthfully, neither is the amount of salt that covers my vehicle over these winter months. But one thing that I love the absolute most is how peaceful things are when it snows. It is like the world (or my little part of it) takes a pregnant pause and rests. People slow down. They hunker in and kick their feet up. While the "storm" outside whips and blows, falls and accumulates, and brings its promise of adventure, we sit back and relax. I like winter for that sole reason. Snowfall mandates we slow down.<br />
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Life is wrought with so much to do. Lists ever-growing. Places upon places to be. People and meetings, events and calendars, stuff and things to obtain. Then winter. Snow. Sometimes it comes softly and in large graceful flakes drifting peacefully to the ground. Other times, much like this morning, it comes in a smaller form, but in greater abundance carried in a flurry by a wind that demands its deposit quickly. Either way, the outcome is the same for us. Slow down.<br />
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I'm in two Bible studies right now. One is self-paced and guided, the other is with a women's group through church. Both studies have different topic tracts, but the same God. He is utterly amazing that way. Usually, I draw a parallel to the study I am in and my blog post. However, today, I don't have one. Yet, I do feel drawn to remind you of one beautiful thing. Something the Lord has spent the better part of two years teaching me.<br />
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Slow down and rest in Him. Just like snow causes us to slow down and rest, life's breakneck pace requires we take time to pause and reflect. We were never meant to work tirelessly on our own strength, but to rely on Him and what He has for us. Oh, dear reader, I know this is not easy. Especially if you are anything like me and long to always fix or solve the problem quickly. It is most important in those moments to take a pause, to rest and reflect. And pray. Always pray.<br />
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Now, I'm going to grab my mug of coffee and watch the falling snow.<br />
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<b><i>- M </i></b><br />
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IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-40368716692902725382019-01-01T11:14:00.001-05:002019-01-01T11:14:49.666-05:002018 - A Year In ReviewI debated writing a "review" blog this year. Not because I didn't have a mountain of things to reflect upon, but more because I feel like my ability to voice them has been lost. Have you had seasons like that? Seasons where you have so much to say but lack the ability to put it into adequate words? Like in years past, I will share a list, in no certain order, of what the last 365 days held.<br />
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1. Life. It truly is a gift. I turned 40 last June. Each day seems to go by faster, seasons progress far more rapidly, and the silver shines through at an alarming pace on my head. Yet, the Lord above has seen fit to continually give me another chance to make a difference. I hope with each sunrise I can make Him proud. What a blessing indeed.<br />
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2. Marriage. The Mr. and I celebrated three years of wedded bliss this past April. I used to wonder at people who'd say they were married to their best friend and how it was even possible. After all, best friends are those people with whom you share your deepest feelings, biggest dreams, funniest moments, darkest days, hardest lessons learned, smallest victories, and a plethora more with. Then I got to experience it for myself. I am truly married to my best friend. With the fear of sounding cliche (and like a horrible movie line from the '90s), he brings out the best in me - and sometimes the worst. I'm certain he'd say the same.<br />
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3. Children. We now have three teenagers and two more in double digits. This house is loud, messy, crazy, but full of love. God gave me the honor of giving birth to three girls. I love each of them and their beautifully unique personalities so very much. I enjoy watching them grow daily and refine their passions and personalities. Let me tell you, with three daughters (two of whom are teens) there is a whole lot of personality! God also gave me the honor of becoming a step-mom to two boys. I love their quirkiness, their growing sense of individuality, and the things they are interested in. Each day we grow as a family I am reminded how beautiful the honor of being a parent is.<br />
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4. Career. I celebrated another year with my current employer. This is also another year outside of the automotive industry. While I can honestly tell you I miss the excitement of automotive, not to mention the inner workings of the commodities themselves, the pace in my current industry has afforded me the opportunities to learn new business ideologies and practices. I work in a very quiet office environment with a group of fabulous people. Going to work each day is peace filled - something to never take for granted. <br />
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5. Friends. People, I've got me an amazing tribe. This year marked twenty-nine years of friendship with one of them. Twenty-eight with another, and twenty-six with yet another. Imma tell you about life-long friendships. They take work. LOTS of work. Except for when they don't. We are all so vastly different. Our families are at all different stages, too. Two of us have teens/littles in double digits. Three of us are step-parents. One of us became a grandma. And one of us is a mom of two toddlers. All four of us live in different cities/states, have different careers, aspirations for life, dreams for the future, and political leanings (yes, dear, I threw that in there for you <3). Yet, when we get together, we are simply four friends and pick up as if we hadn't missed a beat. Sure, life has given each of us different roads to traverse, but at the end of the day, we're still here. The four of us.<br />
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6. Passions. This is a word that holds a stronger connotation that dreams. It's been said a goal is a dream with a date attached. I firmly believe neither is possible without passion. It is a well-known fact that I have a deep-rooted passion to teach. This passion fuels my dream and has dictated several of my goals. While I had some small wins in achieving this passion (as a profession) over the past year, nothing came to fruition, to date. However, something that the Lord has impressed upon me more and more this past couple of months is that teaching is not always in a classroom and my students are actually related to me. I get the privilege of teaching my children. I cannot think of a greater opportunity to use my passion. Sure the pay is lousy (HA!) but the benefits - well - it is a package that has no value.<br />
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7. Lessons. No "review" is ever complete without the lessons-learned. I've seen a million and one (slight exaggeration) memes on Facebook about how 2018 has been hard and 2019 is going to be "The Year". Honestly, each year is the year. No. Really. Yes, this past year was the pits, just as the one before it in many ways. However, in hindsight, there were so many wonderful lessons learned. Sadly, many the hard way, but I think that is the best way sometimes - despite my natural inclination to desiring the contrary!<br />
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8. Faith. Oh boy. I could go on for hours about this one, just read #7! God has certainly worked a number on my faith this past year - in a good way. I'm not a patient person, but He is. He is remarkably patient and always on time. We had a few rounds, He and I, concerning a thing or two. Granted, when I got to the end of my tantrum, there He was with an outstretched hand and a loving smile. He knew. He knows. And He is ALWAYS here. For me. Even when I want to give up and run away. I have found my desire for Him growing stronger, my yearning to know more of Him and to become who He designed me to be to be the center point of all my prayers. I wish I could describe the overwhelming sense of warmth and peace I have in my heart knowing He is mine. My savior. My Comforter. My all-in-all. But more than that. He is yours. He is all of this. For you. I hope you feel it too.<br />
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I think that is a good list and sums up my thoughts pretty well this morning. I have no clue what the next year holds, but I do know I will not walk a minute of it alone. I do long for this coming year to be "my year". I'd like to have more wins than losses. I'd like to have more days with smiles than tears. I'd like to have more peace than stress. But I can no more predict the next hour than I can the next year. However, a year from today, when I'm typing up my annual review, I trust we will walk a few similar roads, but with some exciting new descriptions.<br />
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Wishing you a joyous New Year and blessings for the days ahead.<br />
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Love,<br />
<i><b>-M</b></i><br />
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<br />IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-8495227553548926682018-11-25T09:27:00.001-05:002018-11-25T09:27:47.999-05:00The Journey in The QuestI've been pretty quiet lately. Life has had its way of late. You know, those moments that turn into hours, which inevitably turn into days, then eventually weeks become, well, ultimately they become longer than you anticipated? Yes, those. There's an old adage that says something along these lines -"The road of life is paved with good intentions," and yet another that says, "Life is what happens while you are making other plans." I don't know about you, but wouldn't it be nice if life just calmed down for a moment and let you have a say in it?!<br />
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I recently finished a six week Bible Study called, <i>The Quest</i>, by Beth Moore. Ironically, the first day of this study was also a day that was immensely difficult for my husband, and in turn, me. For preservation's sake, I will not share the details of it, but know it was a storm that we did not want to weather and assuredly worked to negotiate any possible outcome that would prevent its occurrence. Again, life. During the course of the study, where we essentially walked through God's work in other people's (Biblical characters) lives, we grew to understand that our own life is a quest to grow closer to him, that each circumstance we encounter is a way to grow up and grow stronger in relationship to Christ. And, truth be told, that quest is often more breathtaking than the shortcut we'd have chosen for ourselves. <br />
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To say the irony of this study and the timing it had for this current storm was uncanny, would be to downplay its significance and my own learning during the course of the six weeks. You see, God doesn't do a single thing half way. Not a one. And yes, that even means orchestrating a Bible study to coincide with the timeline life has for you in a season. Like I said, this study began the day OF a specific event. In the weeks that followed we (by we, I mean me. Only me.) anxiously (anxiously is a very small word to the hot mess I was) awaited the outcome of that day. But God.<br />
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Oh, that He would know exactly what was needed, yet again, baffles me and encourages me. He didn't allow for an outcome during the course of that study. He allowed for the messy, often times ugly, heartwrenching, debilitating, and down-right excruciating circumstance to take a full seven weeks. Seven. At the onset of the quest, I delivered ugly, ugly offerings to him. I begged and pleaded for prayer, sometimes without specifics, other times with. (After all, prayer works!) One thing I did during this quest, that I hadn't done in years, is to begin writing out my feelings. Daily. On actual paper! Every time I began to get overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, sad, and any other emotion therein, I wrote. On that same sheet of paper I also kept a list of prayer requests that others would post, and if there was space, I jotted notes from my daily devotional.<br />
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Wouldn't you know, that somewhere around week 4.5 I began to enjoy the quest this season had us in? (By enjoy, I mean I had peace.) No, not because I was assured of the outcome, but because I was assured of my Jesus. Somehow, He got through this thick skull of mine and reminded me of who He is and that He most certainly could mind any and all gaps. (How quickly storms can remove our memories of His abilities.) Also, somewhere around that time, different events came into play that brought us full circle to what we attempted to do to prevent the day from occurring in the first place. And progress began. Something like a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Or close to it!<br />
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Then, out of the blue, just as we were getting ready to enjoy the long holiday weekend, we received the answer from that day. (In case you were wondering it was exactly one week and a day from the end of the study.) You guys, God, and only God could have foreseen the outcome. In light of what has transpired, forward progress can yet again commence. (As if it had ever stopped.) We can move through this next season with a small bit more clarity and even a smidgeon of understanding and do what is right for those involved. However, I need to caution you to the true moral of this post.<br />
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God is always on time. He takes us on long, twisty, hard journeys sometimes because there are things we need to learn not only about him but ourselves. There are things about who we are that he has to work through, to get our thinking in line with his thinking, which ultimately makes the quest all that more beautiful and special. It makes this thing called life a little less Disney and a lot more Netflix, but none-the-less, it is oh so very purposeful and necessary. After all, doesn't God often use the long, dusty road to Emmaus to show us who He really is and who we were meant to be?<br />
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Where is he leading you, today?<br /><br />-MIReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-89250896020628740832018-10-28T14:21:00.000-04:002018-10-28T14:27:22.871-04:00The Calmer of the StormI am currently in a Women's Bible Study hosted at my church's main campus. I love that I am geographically centered between our satellite campus (the one I regularly attend) and the main campus, but I digress. The Bible study is called, "The Quest" by Beth Moore. If you've never done one of her studies before, I encourage you to look into one. They are truly unique in their approach and delivery but you will, without a doubt, be filled with the truth of God's word. Now, back to this study!<br />
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If you've followed my blog for any amount of time, you know my passion is teaching. It is the one thing, hands-down, I long to do with/in my life. For those who are newer to this blog I'll spare you the deep dive (there are years worth of posts) - I have wanted to teach since elementary school. To save you some math that is three decades ago. While professionally I am not quite there, I don't doubt the doors are being fashioned and God will open them and allow me through at some point. In fact I wager God is purposely taking His time on this part of my life for many very important reasons, some of which are lost on me, others not so much.<br />
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On Page 93 in the Bible study Moore illustrates her lifelong quest for knowledge and understanding of God's uniquely purposeful delivery. Her exact example concerned the use of a talking Donkey. No, I'm not referring to Shrek and neither was she!!! She goes on to explain to us, the reader, the reason why she spends so much time researching and questing and then tells us, "I do this because any teacher worth her salt is first and foremost a student."<br />
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That simple statement stopped me cold. Dead. In. My. Tracks. I underlined it. Reread the paragraph and read that single sentence multiple times again. Then I closed the study for a couple days. There was something I needed to learn in that sentence. There is something I am learning in many different ways this past week. This sentence culminated those lessons. <u><i><b>I cannot teach what I do not learn.</b></i></u> Learning is to teaching as teaching is to learning. *Mind blown*<br />
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Honestly, I am not naive enough to think one doesn't have to be educated to teach. That is absurd. However, I believe there are lessons we teach others that have nothing whatsoever to do with academic truths. There are lessons that can only be taught through hands-on learning and day-to-day traipsing (questing) through this thing called life. In fact, I will be so bold as to point out that God willing allows the storms in our lives to cultivate and form the lesson plan(s). Now, having completed multiple years of schooling I can attest to disliking many of the subjects the university felt necessary I learn to have a well-rounded degree. Likewise, I adamantly protest to the way in which God uses similar tactics in His teaching me.<br />
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If we are honest, though, don't we all?! ...teacher...is first and foremost a student... All this said, I want to share with you a few things I have learned in this past few weeks concerning the storms of life. This list isn't exhaustive and could almost be viewed as single-sourced/purposed. Regardless, the points are factual - given a proper amount of reflection.<br />
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1. There are storms in every season.<br />
2. The precipitation depends upon the season.<br />
3. Some storms are brutal, others just a pop-up shower.<br />
4. It's ok to get wet.<br />
5. Despite preparations, you can still be unprotected.<br />
6. Never be too proud to ask for an umbrella.<br />
7. God certainly does know, and no, you aren't forgotten.<br />
8. Change comes with time, and all storms take time.<br />
9. There is beauty in the storm. <br />
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Last, but certainly not least,<br />
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10. this too shall pass. (For the sake of sheer transparency, I stumble all over this fact, because when in the midst of a storm it is so very hard to see outside of it.)<br />
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I don't have any anecdotes for making storms easier, more enjoyable, less fraught with pain and angst, but I do have the luxury of hindsight on storms that have passed. I cannot always say each new storm will follow a pattern or even bring with it similar circumstances, but I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, the Calmer of the Storm is never-changing and always-present.<br />
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Now, who's got an umbrella?<br />
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<i><b>-M</b></i>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-34883910026073786572018-09-09T08:15:00.002-04:002018-09-09T08:15:32.424-04:00The Best Real LifeI have a love-hate relationship with social media. First, I love it simply because I can keep up on many things, most importantly what is going on in the life of my family and friends. Hate, well, because it does nothing more than exacerbate the green feeling I get when I see those highlight reels. Let me explain.<br />
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How many times do you see people post about the lost job? The broken-down 15-year-old car? The leaking roof? The kid who does nothing but sass back (yes, even though you are a church-going family)? The list goes on and on. Those types of real-life sharings are few and far between. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who cares about my real-life anyway? <br />
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How many times do you see people post about little Johnny's first place checkers tournament win, or little Sue's handmade basket - which she just happened to do while underwater in less than five minutes thank you, or Jim-bob's promotion to supervisor first-class special super duper awesome line leader, or Sally's pristine wood floors - man we really COULD eat off those things. In fact, I am guilty of it myself. Like, who really cares about their real-life anyway?<br />
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I'm going to go out on a limb here and say - real life, it keeps us vulnerable - and, "ain't nobody got time for that!" When did we ever get to a spot where sharing the realness became scary? Where sharing the things that we may possibly fail at, that we may possibly regret, that way may possibly lose, become taboo? How did we get to a point in life where it is all a competition; where one-upping the next person is more important than sharing in success and fulfillment of dreams?<br />
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I am a member of a mom's group through my church. I don't know 75% of these women, for no other reason than the group spans all three of our campuses and well, I attend only one. Regardless, this group, it is beautiful. These women, and most especially the coordinators, they keep it real. They share a TIRL (This Is Real Life) thread each week. People, it gets SO. VERY. REAL. So many of us are in the same boat. This topic, the one I am on now, it was this past week's TIRL.<br />
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Why is this important? Well, wouldn't you know, God does things on His own time and in His own way. While I admit I get quite angry over that at times, I know He knows best and knows when I need something (or not) more than I do. Yes, I have a point.<br />
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My Mr., bless his soul, is quite good at calling a spade a spade; even when it really isn't. (By my definition, naturally.) You see, I don't share a lot of things with a lot of people for many reasons. Primarily because, and sorry if this stings, it isn't any of your business. At least that is what I tell myself. What I call being selective, he calls being secretive. While I could go on concerning the vast differences between the two, the point of this story is that he told me I prefer secretiveness over selectiveness. I just let him know that not everyone cares about my real life.<br />
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In our banter (a kind way of saying stern discussion) he informed me that in my "selectiveness" I was missing an opportunity to teach those around me (children, family, close friends) the work of God in my life and the power of trust in Him. Pfft...what does he know? Apparently enough that I wrote this blog. Since he will get around to reading this, maybe, eventually, I will say - thank you.<br />
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Sharing vulnerability, sharing your real life is not a bad thing. It is not a woe-is-me pity party or a look-at-me parade. No, it is a way of opening yourself up to others, allowing them to see you have thoughts, feelings, desires, passions, and just the same amount of crazy going on as they do. Sure, all those things look different, smell different, sound different, and happen at different times, but they are all the same. We all have a real life.<br />
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My challenge with this post is simple. Be open. Be willing to share what you need to with others. Be willing to let them see the vulnerable side of you and how you need, moment-by-moment, the grace and peace of a great-big God to take each step. How your real life isn't all rainbows and roses, but most assuredly has storms and weeds. While we may not always get what we want, we do get what we need (thanks Rolling Stones for the earworm) and sometimes, that looks a whole lot like the best real life.<br />
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IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-29035643637414892162018-09-04T07:49:00.000-04:002018-09-04T07:49:00.750-04:00The Weeds of LifeI worry. I worry so much I tend to get lost in my head and lose inordinate amounts of time. In fact, I'd be remiss if I didn't say worry incapacitates me on many levels. This past weekend, Sunday and Monday to be more exact, had me in a flurry of worry. Before I continue, yes, I do know that the Lord is an ever-present sign in times of trouble, that He carries my burdens, that He cares about all the little itty-bitty details of my life and all of that which concerns me. I also know He never promised me life without struggle. These things, I know. In the deepest parts of me, I know.<br />
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But, then.<br />
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It isn't that He isn't who He says He is. No, it isn't that at all. It is more that I have a problem with taking my eye off the storm, the issue at hand. I didn't sleep last night. I didn't sleep much the night before. In fact, in my desire to push out all of that "stuff" clouding my brain, I read two books. I barely functioned outside of reading. I didn't want to be bothered. My mind needed the escape. I was filling my brain and time with whatever I could to push out the worry.<br />
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But, then.<br />
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I woke up this morning exhausted. More than exhausted. I feel worse than I have in a long, long while. Fatigue has caught up with my body, my heart, my soul. After I finished getting around this morning, I sat down to read my Bible. I shared in my last post I am now reading in The Message version of the Bible. You guys! I need to tell you, in the midst of all the things, God is always on time. I opened up to where I had left off last, and wouldn't you know?! He knew! He knew EXACTLY where I was at today. He knew where my heart and head where. He knew!<br />
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I didn't read much, only a few short verses, but they were the words I needed. Matthew 13:18-23; specifically verse 22. The Message tells it this way, "The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what is heard, and nothing comes of it." WEEDS. OF. WORRY.<br />
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They are thriving in my mind right now. They are growing rampant. You all, I need a good herbicide!<br />
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But, then.<br />
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I remember I have one. A good herbicide. It is called prayer. I can't will away the ugly in this world. I can't will away the evil, hatred, and vindictiveness that lives in another person's heart. I can't will away how they manipulate and hurt others (in the name of love) to meet self-seeking, self-promoting desires. I just can't. But I can do other things. I CAN protect my home. I CAN decide whether or not they get a say in how I react to them. I CAN pray for them. I can. For no other reason than my God is so much bigger than them and the weeds they fertilize.<br />
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I will admit, this will take some time. There will be times where I need to go and "pluck" some weeds. I will likely be praying continuously over this for some time - these are some vicious weeds. Yet, I am going to trust, no matter what, in the truth of my God. In the power of His Holy name. I know, in the middle of my pain, He is here. Growing me. Yes, even when the weeds of life threaten to choke Him out. <br />
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IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-70954114250869723542018-09-02T08:45:00.000-04:002018-09-02T08:45:45.018-04:00Whose Life is it AnywayFor my birthday, I bought The Message version of the Bible. I told myself as soon as I got to the New Testament in my current reading plan I would stop reading in the NIV and switch over to this one. I admit I took my sweet old time getting there. I was scared. It almost felt like I was doing something wrong reading any other version than the one I had been reading for as long as I could remember. But a funny thing happened as I was reading this story-like version - in my head, I heard the words in the NIV. I could relate and still do, the words I've read and heard, over and over, for the past few decades. That is when I was able to really open myself up to what I was reading. Then today, it hit me. I am still learning God's truths, and the post you are about to read is what He revealed to me this morning. <br />
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I've often looked for the "more" in life. What can I do to be "more"? I want to be better than I was the day before. This constant striving to become. I've focused the better part of the last twenty years trying to obtain this "more" that, in all honesty, I could never quantify. It was always out of reach. However, in the last few months, something has started to fall into place and the "more" looks a whole lot like less. I am going to break this down into an object lesson, if I may.<br />
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Matthew 10:24a - The Message - "A student doesn't get a better desk than her teacher."<br />
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Lesson - This life isn't about me.<br />
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If any of you have read <i>The Purpose Driven Life</i>, you know this is what is on day one in the book. I did, read it that is, years ago when it was all the rage. I didn't learn from it, grasp its inherent truth, and I certainly didn't understand it for what it fully meant. Despite my horribly slow learning curve, I do believe I get it now - all thanks to reading the same thing I've always read, just in a different version! <br />
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You see, all I have ever wanted to do, career-wise, more than anything else, is be a teacher. To me, there is not a more noble, more honorable, more precious career than becoming a teacher. Not that any other kind of job or career isn't necessary or important, only that in my opinion, teachers literally are the bee's knees. I love being able to share something with someone and see that moment where they understand what they are doing, the light bulb goes off in their head, if you will, and they fully grasp what it is they are learning. That moment is truly breath-taking. A person can climb mountains with that level of understanding, they can analyze data and make big decisions, they can negotiate a better contract, they can budget their family finances, they can design a smaller robot to repair a human heart, they can design better city infrastructure, they can do anything, but most importantly they can become the absolute best version of themselves. That, that is what being a teacher means to me. Helping someone become the best version of themselves.<br />
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Then this morning, while reading, it dawned on me. I already AM a teacher. Sure, I don't hold that specific title. No, I hold different ones like - wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, friend, niece, co-worker, etc. In each of these roles, however, I am a teacher. While there are some lessons specific to each role, there is one lesson that is primary in them all. The one where this life is not about me anyway.<br />
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The NIV tells it this way, "<span class="text Matt-10-24" id="en-NIV-23442"><span class="woj">The student is not above the teacher, nor a servant above his master." When I take care of my home, when I steward our family finances, when I fix the meals, grow my children, I am a teacher. I am teaching them what being a parent looks like. I am teaching them what sacrificial love looks like, I am teaching them what God is teaching me. Sure, I mess up and get ahead of myself, but just as a child moves from Kindergarten through their Senior year, growth happens. The foundational building blocks are used to create a more thorough understanding. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-10-24" id="en-NIV-23442"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text Matt-10-24" id="en-NIV-23442"><span class="woj">This life is all about teaching each person who God is. It is about living, breathing His nature. It is about taking the focus off of yourself and loving others for Him; leading them towards His likeness. Sometimes this lesson is understood easily and other times, the lesson, as is my case, takes decades to understand. Honestly, I will likely still muck this up, not because I want to, but because I am only human and I know I can not teach from my own strength. I cannot be who He designed me to be if I don't remain in my seat. After all, "A student doesn't get a better desk than her teacher." </span></span>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-11061642763684532652018-07-31T19:44:00.001-04:002018-08-02T07:15:44.666-04:00Little RemindersThis past Sunday the message at church was on Matthew 6:24-35. Before I go on with this post, I need you to know something about me. I am a worrier. No, actually I am more than that. I am a worrier that worries so much anxiety takes over. I am also a person who worries about things that may or may not happen, I can create a million and one outcomes for something that isn't even a thought in another person's mind or close to reality. It boils down to this - I worry incessantly over things that really don't deserve the time of day. Then, in the same breath, I also don't worry about things many people think deserve at least some level of concern. Yes, I am a complicated person. Now, back to Sunday.<br />
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As I shared in my Sunday morning post, the one I wrote and posted BEFORE church, we are in the middle of a new storm. It had pretty much knocked me down and all those worries started taking over. I prayed/am praying, my husband prayed/is praying, I asked for unspoken prayers, my dear friend and her husband prayed/are praying, their Small group prayed (which I didn't know about until last night); people this thing has been <i>bathed</i> in prayer!<br />
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Then I started getting reminders, like the message at church. Below are a few of the notes I took Sunday morning:<br />
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<li>Worry (greek) = drawn in opposite directions, divided into parts, distracted, anxious (check, check, check - I have that in spades!!!)</li>
<li>v. 25 - "therefore, do not worry" (my old pastor used to tell us that therefore meant that it was there for a reason) in this case the passage referenced vs. 19-21 (where your treasure is, there your heart will also be)</li>
<li>Worry is all about priorities. The what you say?! I know! I had just talked about this to a degree in the post I made right. before. church. When our priorities are all out of line, then worry is the result. BOOM! (priority check needed)</li>
<li>You can't will away worry. (That is a no-brainer - but man do I try)</li>
<li>Do not worry is a promise, NOT a command. Meaning, He's totally got this.</li>
<li>Do not worry DOES NOT mean Do not work! - the birds of the air, though they do not worry about the food they eat, still go in search for it, though they do not worry about where they will live, they still build their nests</li>
<li>Caution - work will not get rid of the things you worry about</li>
<li>Psalm 23 - God promises to sit with me in the midst of my storms (v. 5 = you prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemy) -> keep eyes on my Father sitting in front of me, not at the battle raging around me</li>
<li>At its core, worry is forgetting who God is. WOW! *Perspective much?!*</li>
<li>Matt. 6:33 - seek first His kingdom</li>
<li>Choose the things that honor God first and when God is first, the worries will be handled</li>
</ul>
Now, those are some amazing points from Sunday's message. In fact, I've read them over a couple times already. You can listen to it <a href="https://subsplash.com/pinehillskendallville/lb/mi/+r6847zb">here</a>.<br />
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But, it didn't stop there. The reminders, they just kept coming. I subscribe to our local Christian radio station's texting of the Verse of the Day. On weekends these come at 1 PM, on weekdays at 8 AM. These are the three most recent, in order:<br />
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<li>Sunday - Psalm 94:19 = "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (mind you this was AFTER the church service)</li>
<li>Monday - Romans 14:19 = "Let us, therefore, make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."</li>
<li>Tuesday (today) - Proverbs 3:9 = "Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops." (last bullet point choose the things that honor God first)</li>
</ul>
You guys, I can't even with these verses. He brings joy out of my anxiety, I need to be a peacemaker, and finally, the one and only thing in the whole of His word He ever asks us to test Him on is concerning our tithe. I need to honor Him with that.<br />
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Now, I won't go into depth on what this storm entails, it isn't even necessary because frankly, it is what it is and God is SOOOO much bigger than it. But these three verses build the picture for the context of the storm.<br />
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But, in case I thought these things here were a fluke (not likely, because I literally started shaking and crying when today's verse of the day came across my phone) I received my daily email devotional. I have subscribed to the Girlfriends In God devotionals for years. Today's, well, wouldn't you know, it was on Worry. (Read it <a href="http://girlfriendsingod.com/worry-wastes-life-2/">here</a>.) YES! The verses we were to read and study? Yep, you got it, Matt 6:25-34.<br />
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I don't know about you, but I love the way God talks to us. How He never stops pursuing us and when we take the time to listen, or in my case read, He reminds us of His perfect love for us. I need to be honest, I can't quite remember a time where He was so "in my face" persistent with letting me know He is here and He cares. Oh, how I love Him and am so grateful for a God that seeks me.<br />
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How about you? How has our Heavenly Father revealed himself to you lately?<br />
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I challenge you to read the verses I have posted above and think on a time where you worried and it turned out to be nothing. Or if you are in the midst of a storm like we are, I challenge you to give it over to God, to let Him be your joy and peace.<br />
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<i>Love, M</i><br />
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<br />IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-6779220840651522092018-07-29T09:06:00.000-04:002018-07-29T09:14:58.485-04:00Prayer and God's WisdomI've taken a few weeks off from writing, not just this blog but anything, really. It isn't that I haven't had words to share, more I didn't know how to share them. In these weeks I have tossed around the idea of starting another blog - one not associated with this one in any way and also written under a nom de plume if you will. Not because I don't think the message is valid, it truly is, but because it needs to stand on its own two feet.<br />
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In the process of designing this in my head, I had breakfast with a dear friend of mine. I shared with her the thoughts and ideas I had as well as the things that have been weighing heavy on my heart. Needless to say, this time in fellowship was exactly what my heart needed to rethink the process. I will not start a new blog, at this time. I will, however, add to the book I am writing as the content is appropriate for that.<br />
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My book. I am a solid 12,000 words into it. Yes, I have roughly 70,000 to go for it to be where most people envision a book to be. However, I took a step of faith and printed what I've written so far and given it to the aforementioned friend for full critiquing, of course. She has a hard job ahead of her on that one; what has been written isn't in order and spans several chapters worth of content, but not all of that content in its entirety. I am both nervous and excited to have her feedback. Regardless, I trust her implicitly to give it to me straight and to have it backed by prayer and God's wisdom.<br />
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To that - prayer and God's wisdom - the real reason for today's post. For years now, I have been earnestly seeking and praying hard for both wisdom and guidance. I have but few things in this world that are exceedingly important to me -<br />
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First is to be who God designed me to be. I know I cannot do this without being in His word and at His feet daily. Prayer is how I get there. I don't pray formally every time, but God and I do have a conversation throughout the day.<br />
<br />
Second is to be a good wife and mom. I pray so very hard for this - multiple times a day, in fact. I pray to be a wife of noble character, a woman who works for the good of her family to provide for each and every need, to teach them how to become responsible adults, and a mom who her children can look up to and be thankful for. Again, I can do none of these things without being in His word and in communication with Him all day long.<br />
<br />
Third is to be a good steward. I know in the grand scheme of things nothing of which I "have" truly belongs to me. I know that I have only because my Heavenly Father, who loves me so much, has blessed me beyond my comprehension. And for this, I want to honor Him - In all I do and with everything He's blessed me with. I pray for stewardship almost daily.<br />
<br />
Why this? Why now?<br />
<br />
We're in the midst of a new storm, yes not quite six months from the last one. However, this time, we know God has grown us both. We know we are His. We know that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He will protect us and provide for us. We know we are worth more than the sparrows. We know, no matter what, He alone is our God and that nothing can keep us away from Him. We also know what in this world there will be trouble, that there will be fights against those things that can be seen and those that cannot be seen. We know that our time here is but temporary and that we have the awesome responsibility of being His hands and feet, to grow our family in His love and grace. And we also know, no matter what, at the end of the day, He is still going to be there with His arms opened wide so we can come running into them and be held. We know ALL of this because, without a shadow of a doubt, our God is exactly who He says He is. And we are His.<br />
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Have a blessed day.<br />
<i>Love, M</i>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-26873310018616251772018-06-24T06:58:00.003-04:002018-06-24T06:58:49.858-04:00Today, I turned 40I've purposely not blogged this month for several reasons. (Yesterday's post was actually written a month ago; I had simply forgotten to click "publish".) In years past I have spent days leading up to this date in an anxiety/depression fog. I've lamented over June in many posts and have, in no uncertain terms, coined it a horrible month - perhaps for the only reason, it contains today's date.<br />
<br />
There are times in a person's life when they experience certain rights of passage. We can look back on those times - turning double digits, becoming a teenager, getting to drive, graduating high school, graduating college, making it on your own, getting married, starting a family, turning thirty (without a ton of gray), and like me, today, turning forty (with a ton of gray!).<br />
<br />
I admit I pushed this into the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to ignore its inevitability, but alas, this too came to pass. Over the course of the past several months, I've watched old classmates and friends alike celebrate this new decade of life with large parties and much fanfare. I've seen how they embraced the transition and had a tribe of people to welcome it in with.<br />
<br />
I won't go on about how this looked for me in that regard, or how I had hoped it would. I won't share the unmet expectations I had set for this day which drew me into a horrifyingly deep sadness over the past week were I admit I was less than lovable. And I most certainly won't share how I wish, just once, that I felt like this day was actually special for someone like me.<br />
<br />
Instead, I want to tell you about what I love most about this day. First, I love that God picked this day, out of all the others, for me to come into the world. Not because of who I am, but because of who He is and I happen to believe He knew I would draw this connection at some point in my life. You see, someone pretty special was born on this day, well over 2000 years ago. This person was born to Zechariah and Elizabeth; his name was John. As in THE John the Baptist. <br />
<br />
John was more than wanted by his parents, he was personally selected by God. <span class="text Luke-1-14" id="en-NIV-24908"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Luke 1:14-17 tells us, "He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth,</span><span class="text Luke-1-15" id="en-NIV-24909"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he is born.</span> <span class="text Luke-1-16" id="en-NIV-24910">He will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God.</span> <span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” You see, this man who came to be on June 24th, came to pave the way for his cousin, Jesus, who was born six months later. Totally epic, right?!?!</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">I share that to say this, I am choosing today to celebrate the awesomeness of the person who I happen to share this day with. While my life is a lot less extraordinary, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I was no less wanted by God, and I am most certainly no less selected by Him for such a time as this.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">While I may not be paving the way for a super epic family member, I do have children who I get the honor of raising, and a husband I have the honor of sharing life with, who undoubtedly need me to emulate all the goodness and love that is the life of a Christian. More importantly, I do have the love of a God who died for me, who seeks me daily, who will not rest until I am molded into the exact version of me He designed, and who loves me more than I will ever have the human comprehension to understand. (How's that for the best birthday present in the history of, like, ever?!)</span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">Here's to the 40th year of my life. To become more like my Lord and Savior. To become the woman He designed me to be, and in the process of knowing one day, I will get to stand before Him and tell Him, thank you for this day.</span><br />
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<span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">In His name, </span><br />
<i><b><span class="text Luke-1-17" id="en-NIV-24911">-M </span></b></i> IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-61449458096842974232018-06-23T14:00:00.001-04:002018-06-23T14:00:28.370-04:00Yes and AmenWe sing this song in church. It is a simple song, which at first I admit I didn't fully understand its connotation. You can listen to it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm_u9BjxahA">here</a>. I woke up this morning around 4 am, as I am apt to do lately, and this song was on my mind. Not softly, but blaring in my eardrums.<br />
<br />
...faithful, you are...faithful forever you will be...<br />
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I had to force myself back to sleep - it was much too early. I woke up less than two hours later and the song was still playing in my head.<br />
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...faithful, you are...all your promises are yes and amen...<br />
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I know I have written several times about God's faithfulness and how I know, without a shadow of a doubt, He is who He says He is. But something struck me this morning. I don't think I have really, truly, looked at how His promises have been answered in my life.<br />
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To be honest, in some regards, I equate his promises to answered prayers. I know! How completely selfish of me. His promises have nothing to do with my prayers; rather they have everything to do with His glory and goodness. Let's look at a few.<br />
<br />
I'm going to start with my personal favorite, and likely the one I take for granted most times.<br />
<br />
Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."<span class="p"> - He will never leave me! <i><b>YES!</b></i> - The Lord, my God goes with me! <i><b>AMEN!</b></i></span><br />
<span class="p"><br /></span> <span class="p">I cannot even tell you how many times I have felt alone and afraid in this world, in my daily goings-on, in my walk with Him. Yet, this verse tells me otherwise.</span><br />
<span class="p"><br /></span> <span class="p">Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - He will fight for me! <i><b>YES!</b> </i> I need to be still. <b><i>AMEN!</i></b></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p">I learned the truth of this verse the hard way over the past year and a half. I shared some of our fight on this blog. However, there was much I didn't share. I'm a fighter. It's in my blood. I'm an even bigger fighter when my family and those I love are threatened. Yet, in all of that fighting, God had to wear me out. He had to get me to the complete end of myself - that point where I had no choice but to rest. I admit it was difficult, but sometimes giving the fight over to the right person is all it takes. He wins mighty battles that are fought on the ground we have no strength to walk. He conquers where we fall. He truly does fight for us.</span><br />
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<span class="p">Jeremiah 29:11<b><i> </i></b>says, "</span><span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647">For I know the plans I have for you, declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - He has plans for me! <i><b>YES! </b></i>Plans to prosper, not to harm and plans to give hope and a future. <i><b>AMEN!</b></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647">I will admit, this verse is a wee bit harder to see the yes and amen. After all, as a human, I tend to equate rough times, bad situations, unfortunate news, etc., with well, everything BUT what the verse we just read says. And that there is why God is God and I am not. As a dear friend and I were discussing this morning; yes, things happen for a reason, but not everything that happens is because of God's reason. Work with me. Think of Job. God didn't cause a single thing in his life. Not a one. Yet, in God's goodness, he allowed all those things to happen. The heartache, the pain, the sadness, the catastrophe, all. of. it! God did allow Job to prosper, and never once did God harm him. God gave Job hope and in that hope, he never wavered in his love for God. That gave Job a future.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647">I beg you to use that perspective. I know, it is a bit ridiculous isn't it?! Trust me, it was hard for me to do too. But in the last couple of months, I've begun to really focus on that perspective alone. We live in a broken world. And God has told us we are not home yet! Which means all that we experience this side of eternity is merely one more lesson and opportunity to become who he designed us to be.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647">I don't know about you, but that sounds like an amazing yes and amen!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647">In His name, </span></span><br />
<span class="p"><span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647"><i><b>- M</b></i> </span></span>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-57019347308148968832018-05-12T10:56:00.000-04:002018-05-12T10:56:08.620-04:00Mother's DayTomorrow is Mother's Day. As I sit here and reflect on the day I couldn't help but be drawn to youthful wishes and the way God answered prayer.<br />
<br />
I couldn't have been a young woman more than twenty years old when I cried out to the Lord for the first time. I wanted, more than anything, to be a mom. Sure, at that age I wasn't wholly prepared for what the role entailed but I was, none-the-less, hopeful for what it would bring. You see, I fully trusted and believed that having a child of my own would mean I would always have unconditional love.<br />
<br />
The kind of love I could give another and the love I would receive from another. Not because I was raised with that level of understanding, but because I wanted, more than anything, someone to prove my love to and someone I felt would do the same in return. After all, don't mommies always love their babies and do for them everything they can? Well, at least, I was going to be that mommy.<br />
<br />
God didn't answer my prayer at that age. No, I think He still had quite a few things to teach me. I look back and thank Him for knowing me and what I needed better than I thought I did. However, I cannot lie, I prayed that same prayer constantly for a few years - sometimes to the point of making myself sick.<br />
<br />
Then one day, my prayer was answered. This time not when I had wanted it, but God surely knew when I needed it. My first precious little one was given to me at a time in my life when I was seeking in all the wrong ways, but God knew. While I may not have honored the steps of the process of becoming a mom (marriage first), God still blessed me and in the spring of '02, He gave me little #1.<br />
<br />
Her perfect little face, sweet soft voice, blue eyes, and tiny little - everything - had me at first glance. She was mine. My gift. My blessing. My answer to prayer. Then, 20 months later little #2 came. And just like that, this small, feisty brunette wiggled her way into this momma's heart and squeezed it so tight it still overflows with love. <br />
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I won't sit here and tell you all the years have been rainbows and unicorns. They haven't. Becoming a momma is just as much a learning curve as it is a teaching opportunity. In fact, in spring of '08, God gave me one more little girl, one who is the perfect mix of her two older siblings. She came to fill and complete the family He would honor me with giving birth to.<br />
<br />
I was then a momma to three of the world's most beautiful girls. They were all that I could have dreamt of and more. I know I haven't been the perfect mom. I haven't been the most patient, always giving, always kind, always servant-minded, but I have always loved them. I have always sought to be better - for them.<br />
<br />
In fact, there is no greater honor than being a mommy. None. To hold them when they are sad. To listen to them talk about their day. To laugh with them when they are being silly. To play games with them when they are bored. To run my fingers through their hair and scratch their backs where they can't reach. To encourage them when they are scared. To help them with homework and projects. To take them to their favorite store for the perfect pair of shoes. To guide them through class selections and first job applications. To help them narrow down a college for the day they start their next big adventure. All of these. These are my answered prayers. Prayers, I didn't even know I was asking for when I prayed the very first one.<br />
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And that is how God works. He loves so big. He takes the smallest of requests, and when it aligns to His will, He gives and He gives and He gives. But my momma story doesn't end there. No, not even close. Because a few years ago He had another adventure for me. Another opportunity to grow and teach more littles. This time they came in the form of two little boys on a spring day in '15. That day he made me a step-momma.<br />
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Looking back 20 years ago, on those prayers, I petitioned my heart before the Lord for, I never would have imaged this would be how He'd answer them. But He did. And He did it in the only way a loving, caring, faithful God can. He answered big. He answered perfect.<br />
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As you celebrate this Mother's Day I encourage you to reflect on all the ways God answered your prayers.<br />
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(Please understand that I have only shared the highlights in this post. For life is often filled with pain and sorrow, and many opportunities to cast your eyes on Him.)<br />
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Wishing you a day filled with sloppy kisses, sticky hands, messy kitchens, and noise beyond belief. May you hug each memory close to your heart and remember the time you had and have.<br />
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You were made for such a time as this. Love them fiercely. Grow them gracefully. <br />
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Love, <b><i>M</i></b> <br />
<br />
<br />
IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-55526700863077058932018-04-17T19:16:00.003-04:002018-04-17T19:16:46.950-04:00Together - A Reflection on a Post About MarriageI read a blog yesterday a friend of mine had shared on her Facebook page. It was about a woman, who after several years of marriage, six children, and countless other life experiences with the man she had married in her early years, still reveled in their love of one another. Sure, the premise of the blog had a physical undertone, but more than that it allowed the reader to relate to the fact - sometimes you just have to come together to get through it together. I know I could relate.<br />
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This post garnered many comments from other friends, and while I was unable to meet the level of understanding several of the others who commented on the post did, I still understood. You see, unlike many of those who commented, I have been divorced and remarried - this gives a completely different view on the subject.<br />
<br />
Upon the first read, I was reminded how much stock we place in perfection while in a relationship. We, as a society, have gotten to a point where we believe a relationship needs to be conflict free in order to be good or "meant to be". We have also gotten to the point where we ignore the differences and refuse to express ourselves in front of our families (read that: children) for fear they aren't going to grow up with any sense of security. In my opinion, both of these ideas are hogwash.<br />
<br />
Marriage is messy. Marriage is digging in the trenches and coming out covered in mud and grit and heaven only knows what else. Marriage is deciding, up front, no matter what else may happen, you are in it for the long haul. Marriage is a daily choice of picking, rather choosing, your spouse above yourself.<br />
<br />
All this for no other reason than, you have to. In order to make it work you need to see a few things. (I'm not a professional, these are just my observations.) First, you are not the same person he married any more than he is the same person you married. It is true. Every moment of every day we change. We grow a bit older (biology), we change a little physically (wrinkles and sagginess in all the wrong places), we learn something new (academically or otherwise), and we live in an ever-changing society that, like it or not, does imprint itself on us in some manner (large or small).<br />
<br />
Second, we are the example to our children. If we hide everything, they learn nothing. The inverse is true, too, and this is where we as parents have an even more important role. Letting the Littles see you work through hardship and conflict is actually beneficial. No, not the knockout, drag-out, in your face yelling all that is ugly in the world to each other, but because no two people are ever going to be symbiotic and there will be times those differences need to express themselves. Let them see that differences are a good thing and that there is a way to work through them together.<br />
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Third, and yes this one was saved for last because it is honestly the best. Love God together. Love God individually. Love God as a family. For all other things will become what they are when this is the primary focus.<br />
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The biggest issue I had with the blog was the fact she was reflecting on a relationship she had with the man who fathered all her children. The man who she was still married to after two decades, a man who literally watched her change emotionally, physically, and spiritually - sometimes by his help and definitely by the natural progression of life - maturing and aging. That left women like me who read the blog on the fringe. After all, I'm not married to the father of my children, nor am I the mother of my husband's children. I didn't marry him in my prime nor his. And I didn't marry him during the infancy of my faith any more than he was in his. I believe this is where some miss the beauty of remarriage.<br />
<br />
This man I am married to, he loves me despite the stretch marks that were made growing another man's children. He chooses me even though time has added a few more wrinkles and parts of me are no longer perky and perfect to look at. He picks me at the end of a hard day; I am the one he comes to. Sure, sometimes we have to make a choice to make a choice - life is hard and marriage doesn't always make it easier. Yet I couldn't imagine facing a day without him by my side. We fight fights that other married couples - like the one represented in the blog I read - don't. However, we make it a point to fight them together and sometimes, we have to come together in order to get through it together. (Some things are simply universal.)<br />
<br />
In the end, the blog gave me pause enough to be thankful for the life I have because I am married to a man who chose me not because he had to, but because he wanted to. And that alone is enough to make everything worth fighting/working for - worth doing together. IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-8702072905328639302018-03-31T12:13:00.000-04:002018-03-31T12:29:43.684-04:00The Encouragement of EasterThis morning, like many others, I awoke to numerous notifications on my phone. One of which, was for a post made in the Christian Moms Who Write group I am a member of. The post was a simple question, made by the group founder and admin, "What encourages you most about the Easter celebration?"<br />
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I didn't hesitate in penning (errr...rather swyping) my response. After all, the answer had actually been heavy on my heart since I awoke Friday.<br />
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Good Friday is many things to many people. I look to it and see the good it holds - perhaps why it was coined as such - the fact my Savior willingly died for me. However, to look at it in those terms only, in my eyes, is to miss the sorrow and to mourn its occurrence. I woke yesterday with the hymn, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cc0QVWzCv9k" target="_blank"><i>How Great Thou Art</i></a> playing on repeat in my head. (My absolute favorite hymn.) And truly, who could deny His greatness?<br />
<br />
My verbatim response to her question was:<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"> <span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g">"Easter
encourages me on so many levels but before it does that, it humbles me.
It begs me to ask, who am I? Then it reminds me it isn't about me at
all. Then Easter gives me the hope that no matter what I think and feel
about myself, no matter what I've done,
come from, or may face going forward - it's covered. Each and every
thing. Again, not because of me but because of Him who chose to create
me. That somehow He decided on me and He never once gave up searching
for me. And I found Him. We met. We flirted from time to time. I left
Him for a while. Then I came crawling back. And there He was - waiting.
And only because of Easter did that happen. And because of Pentecost
which only came because of Easter can a piece of Him live in me. I'm
not worthy but any stretch but He who is in me. And by God's glorious
grace and intimate love can I sit here today and proclaim Him as mine.
All mine. And to think, 2000 years ago, He already knew. <span class="_58cl">#</span><span class="_58cm">humbled</span><span class="whitespace"> </span><span class="_58cl">#</span><span class="_58cm">mindblown</span><span class="whitespace"> </span><span class="_58cl">#</span><span class="_58cm">iamsaved</span><span class="whitespace"> </span><span class="_58cl">#</span><span class="_58cm">iamhis"</span></span></span></span><br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DMxNgDBCA2c/Wr-3NfNAxQI/AAAAAAAAJzk/J41-Kawc5O05gK7yPAdk10CydOzH1oKgQCLcBGAs/s1600/cross.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="292" height="181" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DMxNgDBCA2c/Wr-3NfNAxQI/AAAAAAAAJzk/J41-Kawc5O05gK7yPAdk10CydOzH1oKgQCLcBGAs/s200/cross.jpeg" width="200" /></a><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">For me, Good Friday is a humbling experience. We don't get the joy of the resurrection without the pain of the crucifixion. We don't get the honor or eternal life without accepting the price that was paid. In service last night we were reminded the cross is not a cheery symbol, but one of pain, anguish, and severe punishment by death. It is not a clean, pristine, and scar free symbol, but rather one that left the weight of the world and all the sin before and after embraced for all eternity. The cross, as shared by a friend at church last night, is a reminder to us that Good Friday was the death of death itself! </span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">Today I can sit here with 2000 year's worth of knowledge reveling the outcome. I already know, in my heart and soul, the tomb was empty. Not because some book told me, but because I know Him. Personally. Intimately. Relationally. He is REAL to me. But there were almost two whole days where others didn't know. I can almost feel their pain, sorrow, and heartache. I can earnestly believe and share in their mourning. Here their beloved Jesus was dead. Their Messiah, my Messiah. YOUR Messiah. Immanuel. Dead. Buried. And then....then...</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8gwh-rIT86A/Wr-1_BCwIUI/AAAAAAAAJzY/FQ80eZZh9lItelh3X7haF57EGyfhFq4YACLcBGAs/s1600/is.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="341" height="169" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8gwh-rIT86A/Wr-1_BCwIUI/AAAAAAAAJzY/FQ80eZZh9lItelh3X7haF57EGyfhFq4YACLcBGAs/s320/is.jpeg" width="320" /></a><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">He rose! He conquered death. For all of us. He, Himself, took my pain, my shame, my past, my present, and my future, and He covered it. Completely. Better yet, He did this for you too. For no other reason than, you were worth it to Him. You and I meant the world to Him. He not only did this for us, but for those who came before and those who will come after us. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">And that, dear readers, is the encouragement of Easter. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you have done or will do, He still died for you. He paid for it. ALL. OF. IT. There is only one requirement He has - believe - and then accept Him in faith into your life. (I encourage you to listen to this song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjZ01FcK0yk" target="_blank">WE BELIEVE</a>) </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">May you have a blessed Easter and find the encouragement it holds for you.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm">Love</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span class="_58cm"><i><b>- M </b></i></span></span></span></span>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-50653279337765502632018-03-18T13:49:00.000-04:002018-03-18T13:52:37.235-04:00A Faithful PourI am not a very trusting person. You can blame it on the number of ways and times people, and life in general, have let me down - I do. I keep people at arms length because I don't inherently trust. In new environments I rarely talk, and if I do it is about those things I feel are worthy of discussion. To be honest, even if I know you for a long time, there is still a part of me that doesn't trust you. Not that you are secretly plotting to do ill towards me, but because I don't even want to give you a chance to. Call it what you will, I call it self preservation. It's an ugly beast of a thing that lives in my head. It causes me to destroy friendships before they get off the ground and alienate myself in many social settings (my social anxiety does a lot of this too...so it is hard sometimes to tell which beast is gaining ground).<br />
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I find the older I get, the more introverted I become. I don't know if it is from my general need to declutter my day and get home where I feel safest, or if it is something altogether more bothersome. Either way, I long to not be this person. I would very much like to be bolder, more outgoing, and more trusting of others. But for now, we will call my desire and who I am a work in progress!<br />
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Then today happened. I love Sundays - for a number of reasons but mostly because of church. We had a wonderful service today. Perhaps it was because today we had a guest Pastor who brought the message and the gospel to life like all the messages I had heard growing up. He kicked it old school and it was exactly what my heart and ears needed to hear. There's just something about going to church and hearing an older pastor preach that makes you feel like a kid again, like you have your whole life ahead of you to do what it is you are called to do.<br />
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After the service I took time to talk with our Pastor and catch him up (in roughly 3.2 minutes) on the outcome of the past 16 months of our lives. It was a hurried conversation, to get all the words out that needed to get out and not press on and monopolize all his time (I can do that when I trust someone). I got the highlights covered. I also shed a couple tears, which I do each time I recount the outcome because I am still amazed at how God worked out the details. Pastor gave me a perspective on this and I paraphrase, "if you had been told 16 months ago this was going to be the end, would you have managed the situation the same way?" I don't recall giving a straight answer at the time, but without a doubt, it would be a NO.<br />
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What do all three of these things have to do with each other? The guest Pastor said something along these lines this morning while giving a story about a Bishop in the Methodist church, "our past times in worship lead to the present shape of our life." The purpose for this was to say, that sometimes it takes a long while to answer our call - while some know straight away and work it from a young age, others take a longer time to build their shape. (Meaning it takes years of hearing the gospel and learning God's truths.) It is that shape we go to church to get filled up in order to pour out into the lives of others. But, how do I do that when I don't trust people? Well, the truth of it is, I have to trust God.<br />
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If there is one thing these past 16 months have taught me, and it goes along with what Pastor asked, it is that faithfulness begets trust. It is quite easy to say I trust the Lord, but another thing altogether for me to actually do it. Simply because trust often requires the action of inaction. For each step I tried to take on my own, the more out of shape I became. I would work myself into a hairied mess and reduce myself to an anxious blob of a person. I wonder if that isn't a reason why it took so long?! God had to teach me to rely on the shape (past messages and teachings) of my upbringing and not try to reshape myself during this situation. He didn't give me a timeline in the beginning because I needed to get to the point where I gave Him total control.<br />
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The thing of it is, once I did, the end came that much sooner. Not in time, but in my not working for it. Throughout the entire process we did the right things. We remained faithful to what the Lord asked us to do. Not only did we remain honest and truthful, but we prayed continuously - for all involved. In each and every step, even when we didn't know what or even how, we did what needed to be done. And wouldn't you know it? The more faithful I was/we were the more my trust in God grew! It had nothing to do with the outcome (afterall we didn't know what or when it would be) but everything to do with how my shape was being filled.<br />
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That is just it, people. This entire process was another way God was teaching me to trust Him all the while He was growing and filling my shape. All for the day when I could take this situation and share it with another; so I could pour out the blessings and the truth of what God reveiled to me, to us, through this. It is because of this I challange you, in the face of any trial, to remain faithful and trust God. Continue to do what is right even when it is hard, even when others are telling you otherwise. You never know, someday it could be you pouring your story into another and filling them up so they can pour theirs into yet another. <br />
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In His Name<br />
<b><i>-M</i></b>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-51512540542829839352018-03-10T09:28:00.003-05:002018-03-18T12:40:56.474-04:00The Waters of LifeI'm not a water person. I don't long for beaches and ocean views for as far as the eye can see. I don't plan extravagant tropical vacations and I most certainly don't envy those who do. Yet, I live in an area surrounded by water. Lakes. We are surrounded by lakes. LOTS of them and great big ones too - ahem...as in <i>The Great Lakes</i>. I can literally travel 20 minutes in any direction and be at a lake, river, or stream. I am also not a fan of boats. They scare me. It's not that they are inherently bad, but more because their sole purpose is to put me smack dab in the middle of said body of water and well, NO THANK YOU!!!<br />
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Despite my general dislike for the water, I do appreciate the beauty of it. (I know, I often wonder about myself, too!) In fact, I don't mind looking at pictures of beautiful ocean/beach landscapes, hiking trails along a lake or river, and going to see certain bodies of water - like, say, waterfalls. In fact, some of my favorite pictures are those of little lakes I have taken while backpacking in the Rockies or visiting various other National parks around our country and Canada.<br />
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My best friend and I took a two-day pack trip up into the Rockies a decade or so ago and camped way up - past the ability to have a real campfire. (Basically past normal air! HA!) There was a small, beautiful lake on our way up. It was surrounded by flowers, trees, and many hikers. I remember falling in love with the view as we crested the first major incline of our hike, but my friend told me to wait, there was a better one coming. (She had already hiked this trail before.) We got higher and higher, and my body got weaker and more tired. So much so, by the time we got to "camp" I was so exhausted I spread out there, on the ground - as in on the side of a mountain - and slept. No tent, no blanket, just me and the mountain. Hey, when you're tired you just do you.<br />
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I don't recall the amount of time I was asleep for, but I remember telling her, after I awoke, how amazing the views were. Sure, vegetation was minimal - we were too high up for much to grow- but the view. Oh, the view. However, she told me to wait because there was something better. She got up and I followed her. There, in the clearing about 15 feet from our camp, was a little lake. It was the clearest, most pristine lake I had ever laid eyes on. It took my breath away. There wasn't a ripple on the surface and I could clearly see the bottom. I remember not only seeing the colorful rocks <i>under</i> the water's surface but also my reflection <i>on</i> the water's surface. (And man did I need a nice big cup of coffee and a shower!)<br />
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Proverbs 27:19 tells us, "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."<br />
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I like to think the reason I saw my reflection so well that day was due to the lack of turbulence on the water's surface. Sure we were up really high, it was chilly for mid summer and there was even snow on some of the furthest peaks, but the fact was, the water was peaceful. In contrast, the lakes in these parts are seldom calm. Well, perhaps when the winter has iced them over or before everyone wakes up in the morning and heads out for their daily adventures on them. Lakes around here are well used for recreational purposes on good days (summer) and tossed about on those days Mother Nature has other plans (fall, winter, spring).<br />
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It's much like life. We have seasons where our circumstances and situations are peaceful and others where the storms have tossed us about. Yet, the Lord tells us, despite this our heart tells us of who we are. Work with me here.<br />
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It is very easy for us to be happy, joyful even, when life is going our way. We can see clearly. There is no adversity and we don't have to put any real effort into making things happen. For lack of better words, we just are. In these days we are able to put our best feet forward; after all, nothing is taxing us so there is minimal effort required. The image we see is that of a person put together, gleefully sashaying (ok, I may have just watched Cinderella) through life. People, in these moments we are the embodiment of perfection. (Yes, I am taking the Disney analogy a little too far.)<br />
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However, when the storms come (because they always do), and the waters are choppy - the real test presents itself. In these times, what is being reflected in our lives? Are we still joyful despite the ripples? Are we still able to hold our heads up and take the next step? Are we still able to do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing? That is just it. We don't truly see the reflection of who we are when the waters of life are calm. Rather, when the storms rage and the waters are unbearable, that alone, is when we see our true reflection because in those moments you have to dig deeper than the surface. You have to look under the ripples.<br />
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Why? Because underneath all that is happening <i>around</i> you, is the person who is holding it all together <i><b>for</b></i> you. If your faith is shallow then the ripples will wipe away the reflection of God's work in your life and you will reflect the bitterness, the hatred, the ugly truth of your heart when faced with trials. But when your faith is deep, you see the image of your Heavenly Father reflected in the ripples. Because it is at those moments where He is holding you, guiding you, leading you, and helping you through the storm. Sure, He has the power to take it all away, but sometimes, just sometimes, He walks you through them to show you what your heart is really made of for the purpose of growing you more into His likeness.<br />
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I won't sit here and pretend I have seen His reflection in every storm, nor will I pretend I have never been the cause of a storm in my own life. However, I can say without a doubt, the longer I have been on this Earth and the more seasons I have gone through, the more opportunities I have been given to see my life's reflection. Yes, there are storms where I see nothing but raging waters, others where I am standing firmly in the midst, and still others where I had my eyes closed so hard I missed seeing the reflection of Him who was holding me. However, in <b>all</b> those times, learning took place.<br />
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What season are you in? Calm or stormy, what does your heart say about you? Would you be willing to give that over to the Lord?<br />
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In His Name,<br />
<i><b>-M</b></i><br />
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<br />IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-11550482692293413222018-02-26T07:49:00.000-05:002018-03-10T07:28:47.731-05:00Motivational MondayI am still in Proverbs. I admit, I've been reading slow these days. It's as if getting through the word isn't the same as getting in the word; the former is the goal, the latter is the prize. I read all of Proverbs 20 this morning and while I found a couple nuggets to think on - or that hit home, it wasn't until 21:2 where I was stopped in my tracks.<br />
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"A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart."<br />
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If I may be honest, this verse scared me at first. Actually, it scared me a lot. I know it shouldn't because God is God and I am not. I mean, why <b>wouldn't </b>He know all there is about me? In fact, it is comforting He knows every small detail about me and yet He loves me still - idiosyncrasies and all. But this verse tells me a little more about God and His level of <i>knowing</i> me.<br />
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As people we are very selective with who we let into our lives. Ok, maybe not everyone is like this, but I am. I have two people (my Mr. and my best friend) who know what I really think and how I struggle with those thoughts. Sure, I have others I share with, take all of you for example, but I share what I share and you're welcome.<br />
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There is a level of exposure that comes with sharing your inner person with others. This deep sharing is way beyond the superficial - it is past pleasantries and social acceptance. This sharing is what's given to others you are comfortable with and those you know, without a shadow of a doubt, won't turn and share with anyone else. These are people who will help you to grow in spite of and in relation to what you have shared. Now, go on, think of this person in your life. Thank them and cherish who they are for you.<br />
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Now, I want to tell you something about this person. Not in relation to who they are, but solely because of who you are. They don't know you as well as you think they do. They don't. Because despite the level of exposure you give them there are still things you don't share. I am not saying that is bad - at all. What I AM saying is this - there is one who knows you better that you know yourself. He doesn't just know your thoughts and actions, He knows your motives behind them.<br />
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Now, if that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will. Please don't stop reading this post now - we are just getting to the good part!!! How many times have you done something good for the sake of doing something good and then how many times have you done something good so that others can see you doing something good? Do you see the difference there? It comes down to the motive behind the action.<br />
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It is that small difference where our Lord and Savior knows us better than anyone else in this world. He knows what is in our heart - are we seeking to please Him or man? Are we working to an end of self gratification and preservation or that of another. Are we extending ourselves to help another grow in and become closer to the Lord or are we Bible-thumping for the sake of Bible-thumping? People, it is this!<br />
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1 Corinthians 4:4-5 says this, "<span class="text 1Cor-4-4" id="en-NIV-28438">My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.</span> <span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." and </span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439"><br /></span> <span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">Hebrews 4:12 tells us this, "</span><span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."</span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">I don't want to scare you. These are actually verses of comfort. I have not shied from the fact we are going through a really rough season. This season has presented opportunity after opportunity to express ourselves in light of our beliefs rather than in light of our feelings. But this morning, after reading the passage in Proverbs and the others shared above to help me gain more understanding, I admit I may not be completely honest with myself in this. I hate to admit that God knows what I myself don't allow others to know. (I shared some in my last post - bitterness of heart and spirit). </span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">I don't want to like this person. I want to hate them and not give them an ounce of my energy. I don't show this to others. But God knows. He knows the motives behind my actions even when I don't share them with others. He knows when I think what I don't say. He knows when I don't do what I should and do what I shouldn't where they are concerned. He knows the disdain I harbor for this individual. More than that, He knows the truth behind each and every step I take.</span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">It is hard to admit this. It is hard to know someone is working with all their might to break up your family, your home, and your livelihood - and that the thoughts you have for that person are wrong. While I cannot change them, God can change me. While I cannot make them behave differently, God can reach them. </span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">I pray the Lord can give me the strength to pray for this person and their brokenness. I pray that He reveals all of the ways I have been a hindrance to this situation rather than a conduit for His glory. I know I can't change the past and I most certainly cannot design the future, but I know someone who can. And He is so much more interested in making me into His likeness than He is with my comfort and security on this Earth.</span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">So, if you will excuse me, I am going to go check my motivations at the door and hope in the process God is cleaning me up. In order that on the day I stand before Him, while I <b>know</b> I will be judged accordingly, I pray I will also be judged accordingly.</span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439">Hoping this post meant something to you. </span><br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-4-5" id="en-NIV-28439"><i><b>- M </b></i></span>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-26113101139405411792018-02-17T10:24:00.000-05:002018-02-17T11:09:29.729-05:00The Cure for BitternessI love lazy mornings. Take today for example. The Mr. woke me up before he left for work and I drifted back to sleep. Then my alarm went off at six (don't ask me why I had it set, I have NO clue) and I promptly shut it off, but by that time my body was telling me to get up. Despite fighting myself on this, the dog felt it time to let me know she heard said alarm and she wasn't going to lay back down knowing I was here...for her...to do her bidding. Yes, I got up.<br />
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I wasted time on my phone, as I am apt to do when I don't want to get around and/or think. I found some interesting discussions concerning politics and gun control. I read enough to know we are a deeply and horribly divided country - and I'm going to leave it at that, at least here. I watched a video about turning writing into a paying career and decided at that point I may not have the fortitude for it. I window shopped on Amazon. I think I found the new decor I want for my dining room. And I flitted around on Pinterest. I wonder if the Mr. will like the new paint color I'm thinking of?!<br />
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A couple hours, a clean kitchen, and some breakfast later I finally opened my Bible. Don't ask me why I waited so long today to do what I know to do first. I could rationalize it away as how I wanted to be more awake, have my surroundings just so, or any number of excuses, but the thing is they would be just that - excuses.<br />
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I'm in Proverbs right now. I love Proverbs. Maybe it is the fact they are like a bunch of rules all in list form. I like rules. Sure there are some I am less fond of - like paying taxes, but I do them anyway. I digress. Nested in those rules are rich nuggets to carry around with you. I think I have shared, in the recent past, how some times I move right over what I read, while at other times I read the words and they stick like super glue and impact me in such a way I cannot even fathom. Today is one of those days.<br />
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In fact, there were so many things read today, I may have more than one post concerning them. However, I really wanted to talk about Proverbs 14:10. It says, "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." People! I hate to admit this, but I have had and still do in some cases, have a bitter heart. I have an innate ability to hold onto things. Sadly, you could say I am a hoarder of wrongs done to me. Sure, there are those I have let fall by the way side, but there are others I have allowed to take permanent residence inside my head. It is awful and here is why:<br />
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When you are deeply bitter, no amount of coaxing or living will remove it from you. Honestly, you lose the opportunity to have joy and peace in your life. Bitterness distorts your vision to the point where you see all things as nothing more than additional events or circumstances to get through in order to exist. Bitterness is a life-sucking force. It is a leech on your soul. Bitterness is the same to your character as fire is to a stack of logs. <i>It. Will. Destroy. You.</i> And in some ways I have let that happen to me.<br />
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I like to think I am adept at compartmentalizing. Actually, in some ways, I can do this. Except it is more like organizing than compartmentalizing - I put everything in the same space, I just give it its own spot. But we all know what can happen if there is a gust of wind, or a tilt one way or another. Yep! That organization gets a bit out of whack and then there is a mess which pours out over everything and sadly, everyone.<br />
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For over a year we have been dealing with a situation designed and brought on by another. While I am certain this person feels justified in their actions they haven't really, in my mind's eye, looked past their self-seeking interests to see what they are doing. WOW! Can you see that?! Yes! That is the bitterness coming through. <i>It. Is. Real!</i> Still - to this day. I am exceedingly bitter towards this person, and guess what? I feel justified in this, but God tells me something altogether different. He tells me (and you) that bitterness steals our joy. But wait, there's more!<br />
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A few verses down He tells us this, "It is a sin to despise one's neighbor..." (v. 21a) The what you say! I know. Sadly, I know. So how do I move from this? How do I take this deeply rooted bitterness and shift from the way I despise this person to how God would have me deal with them? I am only human after all. I have the right to be justified in feeling this way. But I don't. You see, while I was still a sinner He died for me. Even though I cannot undo their choices and how they impacted us and our family, I can choose to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I can choose the one thing that God said would be the bleach to the bitterness.<br />
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I can forgive. Sure, forgiveness doesn't absolve culpability, but it does free me. Forgiveness opens me up to see the joy set forth by a loving God. Forgiveness is my way of showing, even if it is minuscule in comparison to what Jesus did for me on the cross, the love of Christ. Forgiveness is the the cure to bitterness, but it is a hard pill to swallow and no, it is not gel-coated. In fact, I'd even say it is a time-release pill. You can swallow it, but it will take time to enter your system. Not because it was the wrong dose, but because it takes the continuous work of the Spirit in you to reap the full benefit.<br />
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I'm going to be honest here. I have not swallowed this pill yet where this person is concerned. I'd go so far as to say, I'm starring at is now but it looks entirely too large for me even though I know it is the right thing to do. I don't want to take it, for no other reason than to do so would mean that I have to give up being justified. And that is just it. God isn't calling me to be justified, He's calling me to be His and to believe He will take care of everything as long as I trust Him enough to let go of this bitterness.<br />
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With that, I am going to pray. Then I'm going to trust. All the while filling this large cup of water so I can swallow this pill to remove the bitterness inside of me.<br />
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How about you? Do you have someone or something that has caused bitterness to steal your joy? Has this person or thing taken so much house room inside of you that your life feels like nothing? That you feel lost and not sure where to turn from here? Won't you take that step with me and let forgiveness win? Yes, it is hard. I admit, but I am going to do it. If for no other reason than I know, He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world (1 John 4:4).<br />
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Forgiveness.<br />
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<b><i>- M</i></b>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-15918560301879831022018-01-30T06:58:00.001-05:002018-02-17T09:24:03.591-05:00I Wanted More<div dir="ltr">
I woke up early today, earlier than normal. The Mr. hadn't even come in to give me a good-bye kiss yet (he leaves before 5 am). Yes, that early. My brain has been completely stuck in a whirlwind. So many thoughts and ideas to get onto this virtual paper. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn't. I tried dulling them away with time on the Internet, but was unsuccessful. So here I am, instead of getting ready for work myself, writing to you - this vast unknown of readers. Below is a highly condensed version of the last twenty years of my life. Highly. Condensed. </div>
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I got my first house, a tin can really, in the fall of 1996. It was a small, but quaint trailer in a local trailer park. I shared it with my high school sweetheart and I was going to get married, have a couple kids, and spend my life in perfect happiness. I love looking back on my naivete. It wasn't that things couldn't have progressed like my romance novels said they could, but I wanted more. So, I got a better job, moved in with my best friend, and carried on for a while. </div>
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Then I met my first husband. We were young, had great paying factory jobs, and nothing but time to do what we wanted. So we did just that. He bought me things. I bought him things. We decided to get married. Bought a house. Did grown up stuff for all of about a year. I don't know where the things started going wrong - maybe the part where I wanted to actually grow up and he didn't, but in the end, it came to me wanting more. He found someone else and I found a lawyer.</div>
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A few months later (yes) I had a new job in a place where I knew no one - a great way to run and hide. I met husband number two. We started life on the wrong foot. I admit that. But as young adults (early-mid 20s) we did what we knew to do. We had our daughter, got married, and began the "more" I was looking for. Only it wasn't and still, I wanted more. I wanted a husband who provided. I wanted a home that I was proud of. I wanted a career that made a statement. I wanted all the lies the world told me I needed. I can't and won't say we didn't have amazing years together. I can't and won't say we didn't make a beautiful family. I can't and won't say we didn't have love between us. I can't and won't say I didn't grow together with them all, because I did. But I wanted more. (You can read all about this starting in fall 2012.)</div>
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I have found that the place where the 'wanting more' and the 'working to get it' meet, is where you will seldom find the hands of God. Listen to me here. I am not talking about being open to His Spirit and the path He is leading you down. I am talking about selfish ambition and keeping your eyes on the world and what it says is best for you. And that is where I was in my wanting more.</div>
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In those years I was married to the girls' dad and the months following the end of our marriage I had earned not one, but two degrees. Why? Because I wanted more. I equated education with becoming. I also worked myself to the bone climbing a "corporate ladder" - one of my own design, so naturally it didn't go too high. I did make some progress, but I admit I started chopping down the rungs before I realized I needed a safe way back down. The fall hurt. And yet, I still wanted more.</div>
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I carried on with my life. Caring for my children, owning a home, forging a career and doing everything I could to become. Yet I wanted more. I met my husband during this time and in that span of months and years learnt a lot and lost a lot. But one thing remained. I wanted more. I finally had the love of my life, but I didn't have my career. I hadn't quite reached the point where I had, for lack of better words, become. So, I went back to school and got another degree. I quit my job and with great expectation worked to become who I always wanted to be, all because I wanted more.</div>
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Do you see? I have spent twenty plus years of my life working towards one thing - more. I have always wanted more. I hate to admit that. It makes me sound, well, pretty much awful. However, in the last year or so, something has started to change in me. It was scary at first, then it was known, and now it is eager anticipation. Not because I don't want more, I do, but because I want less of all the things I have spent my life wanting more of.</div>
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I want less house. I want less stuff. I want less need for more education. I want less desire to climb a corporate ladder. I want less of the things that society tells me I need in order to become. Instead I want more time with my husband. I want more time with my children. I want more time teaching them about the love of their Heavenly Father. I want more opportunity to grow in community with my sisters and brothers in Christ. I want more of God and His Spirit in me. I want less of me and more of Him.</div>
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I had spent so much time wanting more that I lost sight of what any of it was truly about. There is only one thing in life where wanting and getting more meet to become the best thing ever. But it takes so much to get there. It takes the desire to want less of absolutely everything else. It takes putting that thing or person or place you hold more important down. It takes realizing that more home, education, career, etc. doesn't make you more of a person. It takes, laying all of that down to be given the one thing that will fill you with more than you could have ever hoped for.</div>
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Don't misunderstand any of this. I am thankful for what I have. I am thankful for my husband, my family, my job, and the things we have, but it is no longer about the more in regards to society's view. I simply want more of what God has to offer and if I can give all of that to my family, then well, I will have truly lived with far more abundance than I could have ever thought possible.</div>
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Because with God, you always have more.</div>
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<i><b>- M</b></i></div>
IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-1291746673288625612018-01-21T17:03:00.001-05:002018-01-21T17:03:28.346-05:00I've Been Set FreeIn the past two days I have been challenged. Challenged in a way that I don't ever recall being challenged before. The Mr. and I are in a Small Group study through our church. We are currently studying Francis Chan's "Forgotten God". If I can take a minute and share my utter love for his delivery of God's truths. He is a phenomenal pastor and teacher. I digress. For those who aren't familiar with the book, it is based solely on the work of the Holy Spirit and the work that only He can do in our lives. Yesterday and today we spent some time reading the book and doing the accompanying workbook and can I say, we were both caught off guard. Not in a bad way, but in a moment of 'aha-ness'!. <br />
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Then today at church the message was, for lack of better words, on point. While much was said, I am still ruminating on the reason why Jesus came. He came to set us free from the bondage of sin. Yes, we all know this. However, when we think of sins most are drawn to the tangible, or physical ones. The ones that are blatant and obvious - a harsh tongue, drinking, drugs, etc. But it wasn't those that caught me by surprise. It was the sin that I didn't realize that had me bound in chains so tightly I never looked at it in any other way. In fact, it is slightly humiliating to type this out thinking what a bad person I am because of it.<br />
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But that is actually the beauty of it. This sin is the exact reason why Jesus came, for me. What is it that has me bound to the point of incapacitation at times? Fear. I am a person that is so wrought with fear that I react and act according to how that sin forms conclusions in my head. I can read the word of God and know the truth of what He says about something, but then I turn around and in my next step fall to fear. People, don't you see? My fear is basically telling the Lord I don't trust Him or the work of His Spirit in me. I am trying to do and see things all from a human standpoint - from my own capabilities.<br />
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And that is exactly the opposite of what He intended for me, for us. Yes, God sent His son to die for my sins, that I may have the opportunity to spend eternity with my Lord and Savior, but He did something even more special. (I know! Can you imagine something bigger than what Jesus did on Calvary?!) He sent His Spirit that I may have Him in me. (That we all can have Him! What a personal God we serve.) I think back to the New Testament and all the wonderful things the disciples and early teachers were able to do because of the Spirit and then I look at today. You guys! He is just as present today as He was then. Only I think we've dulled Him out by all the noise we surround ourselves with.<br />
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We live in a day and time where we are told we have to do everything on our own. We have to fashion a life for ourselves and if we want to have hopes and dreams we have to figure out the steps to make that happen. Then when they don't or we fail, why we blame so many other things, people, or even ourselve. Or maybe, we don't act at all because of fear. But if God's spirit is in us then what or whom shall we fear? For me, it is everything. My list of fears is astronomical, really. Some are completely irrational, like my fear of wide open spaces. If I can't find a place to hide, then the space is too big! Other fears are healthy, I think. Like a fear of driving fast. (OK, yes, you might think that one is irrational too.)<br />
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Yet, it is the fears I have that essentially limit God and His work in my life that He wants to break me free from. I fear the unknown. I fear losing my family. I fear not being good enough for anything and everything in my life. I fear I am not smart enough to do the one thing I have always wanted to do - teach. I fear I will never get the opportunity. I fear failure. I fear being nothing and nobody. These are my fears. These are the ones I lose sleep over. The ones I cry for hours about when I can't get them out of my head. These are the ones I work tirelessly to avoid. And you know what the Lord says about these? That they are a sin that is keeping me in chains.<br />
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I want to let them go. I don't want to be bound by these fears. I don't want my thoughts, words, and deeds to be negative as a result of these fears. I want, nothing more than, for the Holy Spirit to rain down on me and pluck these fears from me - for all of eternity. I want to be a woman who has conquered these - not because I was strong enough to do so, but because I gave them over to the Lord, fully, and with the expectation He in me is greater than He who is in the world. I want more of His Spirit in me.<br />
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Then, I want Him to use me exactly how He wants to. To use my story for His glory. Not because of me, but in spite of me. Because in all this, it is not about me at all. This is about the power He alone has to free me, to free us all, from each of the things that binds and weighs us down. And He will. He will free us, for no other reason than He said He would. After all, I do know He is who He says He is and He does what He says He does.<br />
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So what has you in chains? <br />
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<i><b>-M </b></i><br />
<br />IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4636559226522812003.post-8507613602166678242018-01-20T10:10:00.001-05:002018-01-20T10:10:45.352-05:00Who Am I"Who Am I?" At some point in life, everyone asks this of themselves in one way, shape, or form. It is an age-old question. For some, the answer is quick and they carry on with life in full confidence of each step and move they make. For others, it is a daily quest wrought with wins and losses. I am most assuredly closer to the latter than the former. <br />
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We live in a society that applies labels to people faster than Amazon can deliver a package. In fact, right now, typing this, I can be labeled a blogger. I also have the honor of holding the labels - wife, mom, step-mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, cousin, friend, employee, the list goes on and on. It, without a doubt, has no true end. Despite all these labels, I have one that has been mine since birth - my name.<br />
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I was blessed with a plain name. It has no frills, no elegance behind it, it is boring, and quite frankly I've hated it since I was old enough to know how to. I have often wondered at what level of disdain my parents had for me that they would give me such an awful moniker. In fact, I vowed when I had my own children I would carefully select the most regal, elegant, classy names I could find and, in my minds-eye, I did. <br />
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I was reading in Psalms this morning, yes, I am still in this book - it is long and so full of, well, God. I am savoring each word and am incredibly thankful God breathed them into the people who penned them for me to read all these years later. It dawned on me as I was reading just who, exactly, I am. No, there wasn't a specific verse that jumped out and said, "Mandy, this is who you are." Instead, it reminded me that God made people to love, care for, provide for, and share this world with. He made people in order that we could choose to love Him back.<br />
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Riddled throughout the Bible we find where people were given names to match who or what they were. That names were given on purpose and for a purpose. That they were impressed on the hearts of the parents before the child was ever born. See, names are a label that we hold for all eternity - not a label that is held for a season, but begins in a season and lasts the balance of our life.<br />
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My name means - Worthy of Being Loved. I have struggled with this for decades. Yes, I am now officially old enough I can refer to time in my life in groups of ten. *shudder* There are days, even now, I struggle with this. Days where I feel anything but loved. (Random fact - I have the meaning of my name tattooed on my forearm.) Most especially when the weight of the season I am in is crushing me from all sides. Then I read, like today, where I am loved. I am reminded that I am not here on accident, that God loves me more than anyone, including myself, could ever love me and I am completely worthy of that love.<br />
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We all are. We are His. And that, people, is who I am. I am His. And because I am His, no matter what I have done as long as I come to Him and humbly ask, He will forgive and forget - <span class="text Ps-103-12" id="en-NIV-15562">as far as the east is from the west, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"></span><span class="text Ps-103-12">so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Ps. 103:12) That is what being worthy of love does. That is what being a child of the one true King does. It removes all that is ugly from us and creates in us a clean heart. For this, I am so thankful.</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12">These have been hard months. They have been heart-wrenching, emotionally debilitating, and character building months. They have been months where I've been given the opportunity to see the full extent of pure hatred and unfathomable lies people will stoop to in order to hurt another. They have been months where the evil one has used people to hurt us and our family. They have been months where we have been left wondering if there is any good at all in this world. </span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12">Despite all of that, though, I know one thing. I know who I am. And what I am. I am worthy of being loved. I am still His and He is still mine. He knows every. single. thing. and He is still here. He shows me when I wake up in the morning, when I see my husband, when I hear my children, when I make a good decision at work, when I am cooking dinner, and when we are all sitting around just being. He shows me. Because He has given me so much. In His love to me, He gave me a new day. He gave me a wonderful man to walk beside on this Earth. He gave me three beautiful daughters and two handsome step-sons. He gave me a job to support my family. He gave me a family to feed and a home to care for. He gave me time to grow with my people. And that, THAT, is love! Not at all because I deserved any of it, but because He is who He says He is. </span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12">While there will be days when I question why things are the way they are, I know I won't question who He is or who I am. Because I am His. </span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12">And so are you!</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12">Wishing you the comfort of knowing this truth deep within you.</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-103-12"><i><b>- M </b></i></span></span>IReadTooMuchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14318446606641854580noreply@blogger.com0